MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A SERIOUS RASH...zuki finds ointment

Good Morning Revelers,

The following blood-letting is humbling for me personally, but more importantly, my late good friend JOE’s skilled pen captures the essence of this most joyous season. Enjoy:

‘Twas Bagamas Eve when (again) Diatribe crashes. Not a Poster was posting, not even Sot-Asses. The Readers wait calmly to hear from these Blokes, With high hopes for much more than insults and jokes.

The Readers soon snooze as they sit at their screens, Vivid visions of lost loves dance in damp dreams. Zuki dons his ski-mask to rob one more C-Store: “This hobby of mine’s keeping me way too poor!”

On the street sounds a siren… Zuki sees flashing lights. He rips off his mask and prepares to take flight. Away from the window, he cowers in fear: “If I have one more run-in, I’m facing 10 years!”

Lights shining like neon on new-fallen snow, Remind Zuki of Vegas: fun-and-fame long ago. “I’ve got to go straight! I can’t do no more time! If I beat this, Oh, Ruta, I’ll commit no more crimes!”

Then comes a harsh knock on Zuki’s front door; All shivers and shakes, he flops to the floor. Again at the window, he peers over the sash, “If I try to flee now, I’d be dead in a flash!”

‘Cause what to his wondering eyes should appear: One of Littlewood’s Finest in full riot gear! The Cop stood yea tall, with arms tree-trunk-thick; Zuki knew right away how to deal with this prick.

Gathering up all his wits, he strides out on the porch; His face lit-up brightly by the Officer’s torch. “I have but few Friends who will vouch, I confess, I’ll call out their names… they’ll clear up this mess!”

“Please, Bagwan! Ortega! Oh, Tammy! Oh, Kim! No more will I lampoon you or your kith and kin! Please, DV Ant! Please, Just JOE! Oh, Festering Boil! I’ll post my new comments according to Hoyle!”

“I know not these people,” the Policeman protested. “You’ll have to do better, if you don’t want arrested. Get up on your house-top, and scream out your fate; May someone yet heed you, who carries more weight!”

“HELP!! Mad Cow! Cush! Paddy! Griz! DeeDee! Oh, Poo! Nevermore will I ever poke fun at you! Please tell this Policeman I’m sure not all bad… I’ll say nothing from now on to make you all mad!”

Then, in a twinkling, Zuki harks from the roof, Just JOE, still afar, bellows: “I’ll stand not aloof! I vouch for Yon Fellow! Grant Zuki Full Due! Please, Sir, don’t ‘cuff him! Share Bon Bagamas Brew!”

The Policeman accepts… the hour, it’s quite late; Besides, few, if any, could carry more weight! The Officer relents, motions Zuki come down; The three quaff together, clinks and “Cheers!” all around.

They’re the tawdriest of trios… a sight seldom seen: Zuki wears brigand-black… the Cop, camo-green. This Cop and this Robber could easily be foes, Were it not for their joining by Just JOVIAL JOE!

This Fat-and-Fine-Friend was decked out in all-white, From his cloche to his Crocs… a miraculous sight! His great gown a-glimmer in gold-glitter glow, Bronze beads, silver sequins… timely tinsel trousseau!

But Just JOE’s eyes are blood-shot… his breath a mere hiss; Zuki knows in an instant: “There be something amiss! Is that an herb-hookah in his hammy hand? Tho’ prob’ly medicinal, it could kill my whole plan!”

Zuki distracts the Policeman; shoves his Pal through the door. “No more robbery, I promise! I accept that I’m poor!” When the Cop has departed, Zuki, too, goes inside, Knocking naughty Net-Gnomes for his dead Diatribe.

Just JOE says not a word, but goes straight to his work… Surveying the set-up, he rants “Zuki, you jerk! You can’t even manage to keep your web-site from crashing! Look at this light, here! How long’s it been flashing?”

‘Ere Zuki replies, Just JOE [CONTROL-ALT-DELETE]s… “Stand still and stay silent, let me finish this feat!” Finally, laying his finger upside of his nose: “Ruta, Be Praised!! Diabtribe’s Now Unfroze!!!”

Zuki embraces JJ, for All-Life he doth owe: “I love you, My Man! To The Best Bar!… Let’s go! It’s my treat! We’ll drink from the topmost of shelves! Merry Bagamas To All!! Now Go Swirl Thy Selves!!!”

Just JOE