THE IDES OF MARCH STRIKE TERROR…..cush learns a new parlor trick

Good Morning Messans of Love,

“Legend has it that Caesar met his demise shortly after being warned by a psychic that harm would come his way by the Ides of March. Just so you won’t find yourself spending the better part of this month looking over your shoulder, let’s answer: When is the Ides of March? Supposedly this is the day to “beware.”

Ironically today is the 15th of March the traditional date we recognize as the Ides of March which literally means mid-month. They say Julius Caesar had it coming and have little doubt about that thanks to Shakespeare. However, what concerns me, is its close proximity to St. Patrick’s Day; the heaviest drinking day of the year! In fact, law enforcement issues more DUI’s on St. Patty’s Day than any other day of the year!

Only two days apart I suspect the ramifications from this double whammy will be severe. I believe it’s Cush’s B-day today! Cush honestly believes in wearing tassels on his nipples and has learned how to rotate them in opposite directions! Yet, he’s the most superstitious person I know and used to force his family to hide in the basement all day until midnight.

His sons have long since abandoned this tradition primarily due to having to sit naked cross-legged in front of their naked parents and sing old gospel tunes. There’s a visual that will stick with you! Mrs. Cush has also lost interest in this odd tradition leaving our boy alone in the basement tugging on his tassels and God knows what else!

As the day transitions to evening Cush lights a couple of candles creating a bedsheet silhouette screen and puts on a shadow puppet show for amusement. Meals and refreshment are put at the top of the stairs knocking twice to notify our boy that dinner is served!

I believe it to be impossible to hold a 24-hour vigil naked in one’s basement without the occasional miscue. This thewless behavior begs for consequence and found it to arrive last year.

Mrs. Cush had purchased a large white rug to put under the couch and coffee table when the Ides of March came calling. Cush was enjoying the shadow puppet show and kept scooting across the rug with his ass depositing rich brown skid-marks as putrid evidence of his time in the basement. I’ve never seen Mrs. Cush so hostile to our Teamster simply for making poop-paintings on her new rug!

Cush found himself at the Rug Emporium shopping for a replacement! In this self-fulfilling prophecy, his family has learned to simply leave the house with our tasseled associate entrenched and go someplace else overnight.

As a favor to my Teamster friend, he wanted to let the drunks at the Maggot know all are welcome to join in the fun going on as we speak in his basement! Personally, I had to pass in spite of offering his world famous ‘Jerk Chicken’.

Just the same, please take care not to be sucked into the vortex of crazy sure to be found at the Maggot and most other establishments this weekend! Lyft or Uber is a reasonable alternative to getting behind the wheel. Just sayin…..


  • James Cushman

    The story is outstanding, but I wish you would stop telling people about my private practices, on the different holidays . I know that I’m great fodder for your story’s. But do you have to tell everybody about the private things you have witnessed over the year’s . But I have to admit that it’s very funny to see the look on your face when I’m doing my dillie dillie show. Maybe