Good Morning Lumberjacks Everywhere, (2008)
“The old adage “Fight fire with fire” does not apply to non-metaphorical fires.” Semi-Daily Hoot–
Risking sciolism I discovered something scary about one of our own and feel obligated to pass it along.
I was fortunate enough to be invited to my good friend’s house for a bit of vino, BBQ chicken, followed by soft and warm pumpkin cookies to watch our beloved Broncos get ‘punked’ by the Eagles. Being the consummate grill-master our associate would go outside often tending to his meat.
Now I should point out that he and his lovely bride’s yard is immaculate and well attended. So at one interval between meat flipping, he proudly pointed out the older trees in his yard. I took a look at the half dozen mature pine trees but something about them looked strange.
Instead of a nice triangular shape extending to the ground, each tree was hacked so severely it exposed 15’ of raw trunk with grizzly amputated limbs! This was not a gentle caring pruning; rather it seemed to me there was a lot of anger in the brutal act of tearing limbs off innocent trees. Every tree on the property was gashed leaving the exposed flesh ragged with sap oozing in all directions. This was disturbing to say the least.
From my perspective, I couldn’t have dreamed our committee member had this level of hostility boiling inside but perhaps I just hadn’t noticed. The picture became clearer as a dozen chicken breasts lay on the chopping block and instead of cutting them up neatly with a knife he pulverized them into unrecognizable bits with a clever! The two or three of you still reading this affirmation would agree that he ‘got off’ while in the act as he was out of breath and immediately lit up a cigarette!
Our disturbed friend swears vehemently the trees needed the rough treatment as all of them were plotting to somehow destroy his house! It almost sounds like he meant to say they had it coming!
Obviously, this was weak as half the trees were 50 feet from his abode and were still in shock! It’s clear our associate longs to be a lumberjack and that’s okay….”He sleeps all night and he works all day….he cuts down trees, he skips and jumps…he likes to press wild flowers…….he puts on women’s clothing and hangs around in bars…”
To celebrate the newly discovered lumberjack amongst ‘curmudgeon corner’s’ rules committee, I found the following poem:
Tall, tall he was
tall as the hill
Green, green his mind
green as newborn grass
Out chopping wood
doing no good
Chopping the lilies
chopping the trees
He chopped the forests
he chopped the flowerbeds
He chopped till it dropped
the peasants they sobbed
One day he came to a hill
one tree on top
And he chopped and chopped
and was never seen again
Someone got mad
the chopping was bad
-Skirt the Drunk