GOLF HAS A PLACE IN THE HEART…..zuki convinced it was heartburn

Good Morning “Flat Earthers,”

Having most of Sunday to look back at Saturday’s orgy of diversion, I have a better understanding for placing it in context. You see, in the folklore that is the game’s history, it says the 18 hole end-of-game was largely due to the Scottish shepherds that invented the game, finishing their bag (Goat skin) of Whiskey and never made it to the 19th hole. If the 15th Century story is true I find the irony most compelling.

Being far removed from ‘Royal’ but very ancient indeed, I’ve played in all 21 company tournaments and don’t remember a better outing.   Well…. I did manage to be part of three winning teams so they would be the exception, but last Saturday’s soiree’ is memorable for me personally as I was able to play with my son’s.  My team was able to finish under par! But that to a large degree was due to the efforts of ‘Dan the Bartender’ Thanks Dan.

For those of you that missed it, Mike Speer’s (Pam Sevy’s main squeeze) team of semi-pro golfers sandbagged us for a 59 or 12 under par to collect 1st place. Unfortunately, though, their victory has been tainted and now under review by the ‘rules committee’ to explore alleged shenanigans. It seems there was a team of “Flat Earthers” who’ve brought charges of tilting the landscape to favor Speer’s team.  The results of the investigation held by Robert Mueller or a ‘Grand Jury’ will be released next week. So until then…..

Second place finishers are also under a cloud of suspicion. The team scored a 60 (11 under par). Normally we complete this “Most excellent” of days without acrimony or hard feelings but Anthony Padilla’s team of law enforcement professionals are currently being questioned by the ‘Rules Committee.’ They’ve been accused of threatening their competitors with a rough cavity search. If true, this would be an egregious infraction deserving of a strongly worded letter!   I’ll keep you posted.

Last year’s champions could only manage a 64 (7 under par) but were good enough to secure 3rd place. The fact all three teams finished their respective rounds under a veil of suspicion is unprecedented! Chris Budden’s 65 footer to collect $250 was assisted by vicious Magpies who allegedly pecked his ball forward the final 5 feet of his short putt; dropping it in the hole.  His team mates will neither confirm or deny this odd story!

Lee Brandt (husband to our Sara) and his merry band of thieves were observed paying local children to shadow their group throwing errant golf balls back into play. This will not stand! The ‘Rules Committee’ is exploring the idea of renting a drone for next year’s play to provide visual evidence of these serious accusations.

With the exception of those players that never received their drink tickets, it was clear everyone had a fabulous day.  If I’m still assigned to organize next year’s soiree’ I’ll come up with a better way to dispense drink tickets. If there are any lingering hard feelings regarding this matter please speak with Sara Brandt.

I wanted to thank everyone who played and shared in this marvelous time with special thanks to the LTI Executive group for sponsoring our little diversion. It was a labor of love!

Thanks again to all that purchased ‘Mulligans’ as we raised $400 which will be matched by LTI!  This equates to providing 3,200 meals to needy children, elderly, the sick, and homeless!  NICE JOB ALL!

Your’s in Scrutiny,