Good Morning Contaminants,
‘The Maggot’ had a surprise last week. Yes, you’ve no doubt already guessed, and I’ll tell you this, it wasn’t Cush walking in without a shirt as if that would surprise anyone. It was the County Health Inspector! He was a real prize too! Sporting a closely cropped military ‘doo,’ he walked in flashing an I.D. like he was the friggin FBI!
‘Barney Fife,’ couldn’t have done it better; asking the two or three of us at the bar to remain calm. While I appreciate the county inspecting those places I choose to eat and drink in, but I suspected him to be an unreasonable asshole. I’m generally right about these things.
Jimbo our very fine bartender and uncompensated manager watched the lab coat wearing bureaucrat closely, giving him side glances while continuing his busy work. When he paused to shine his flashlight on some remote unattended crack along the splash boards, Jimbo would meander nearby to be available to explain if necessary.
I’m sure the feeble-minded owner does nothing to compensate Jimbo for all his ‘extras,’ and for the two or three of you still reading this bafflegab must feel it equally odd Jimbo’s begrudging loyalty to his a-hole boss!
Our bar keep’s demeanor suddenly changed from watchdog to abject horror. The Inspector finally emerged from the cooler removing his white gloves that surprisingly looked to be un-spooged and began snooping behind the bar.
Now he was invading Jimmy’s territory. As a patron, I could literally see his trepidation morph into rage. Jaws clenched tightly caused the muscles supporting the mandible to become further defined on his rounded face, giving our fine bartender a look of ferocity none could take lightly.
As “Chief Inspector Clouseau” began shining his light in each liquor bottle looking for ‘critters’ or other contaminants, our boy finally reached the point when consequences are no longer a deterrent. Without so much as a ‘hey asshole’…. he bitched slapped the County buffoon and screamed, “HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES YOU F-ING PRICK WITH EARS??!!”
It’s tough to know for sure whether ‘Jimmy’s outburst’ as we now like to refer to it, played any part in the Inspector’s report but re-caulking around the toilet base, and a little dust on the fan blades was all our public employee could muster.
The Hillary pundits and handwringers tell us violence has no place in our world society and should walk away from confrontation at all cost. I say that’s how Neville Chamberlin found “Peace in our time” just months before the ‘Luftwaffe’ began bombing the hell out of London.
Okay, the comparison to ‘Jimmy’s outburst’ might be a bit over the top, but you see what I mean. Sometimes when dealing with bullies you’ve got to get their attention! Almost always this is manifested by an act of violence. Just sayin….