Good Morning Stultified Ones,
Have you ever been sitting at your desk or kitchen table and right out of the blue feel the cold grip of uncertainty possess your soul? I think it’s happened before, but I always blew it off as bad mushrooms. Most times these bouts with wishy-washy are brief with only minor discomfort or lame behavior.
Yesterday offered me confliction on a par with the “Twilight Zone.” My yin and yang became erratic and was unable to make concise and effective decisions. Given my Feng Shui had slowly evolved into chaos, I burned all of my furniture.
Every now and then I’m called upon to justify my existence. It always amazes me at just how difficult that really is! I second guessed even the most simple of choices. I mean everything from word selection to which pair of boxers to don. I think I’ll go downstairs and read….no wait….maybe I’ll take the book outside and enjoy the shade of the Cottonwood….shit…..never mind, reading makes me sleepy….mark the page?…forget it I’ll start over. The whole thing snowballed from there into a DAY FROM HELL!!
This sort of pendulousness can also be dangerous! I was driving down Quincy and couldn’t decide if I should pass on the right or continue to move 25 mph in a posted 40. The internal debate caused me to miss the brief window of opportunity so I remained behind the idiot for what seemed an eternity.
Arriving at the intersection waiting for the signal to change I was able to move into the proper passing lane. I made it a point to glare over at a large moron in his ‘wife-beater’ and NASCAR gear and conjured up the most disgusted look in my repertoire while shaking my head.
He took exception to this and I’m reasonably certain my riding his tail lights the previous half mile caused him to flip me the ‘bird.’ I returned the favor mostly out of conditioned response but was surprised to see the dip-shit get out of his truck. Normally this would have been my cue to hit the gas, but there was a part of me that wanted to punch him if only out of general principle, so I put myself in a position to more than likely get my lights punched out! Fortunately, the signal turned green just as he got to my door snapping me out of my shilly-shally and stomped the gas running over his foot. I lost him by parking behind the “Church of Perpetual Responsibility” escaping a fat lip or worse.
I finally made my way to The Maggot for a bag of chips and an adult beverage. I hadn’t anticipated the ordeal I was about to encounter. Oh my God! I hadn’t realized looking at the bottles lining the bar that even albeit the limited selection still caused me to become stupefied!
How did I come to this point in my life? What’s wrong with me? I always know exactly what I want and never vacillate. Maria is typically good behind the bar, but by the time I was ready to order she rolled her eyes and told me to go ‘F’ myself. I could hardly blame her as my tormented selection process took nearly two hours and now it was the end of her shift.
I got a letter from the IRS and it took nearly 30 minutes to decide whether or not to open it! As it turned out I shouldn’t have as it contributed to my misery. Being indecisive is Biblically speaking, “neither hot nor cold and is to be spewed from the mouth.”
I pray this condition is temporary.