Good Morning Pleonastic Idealists,
This season also represents the only time when it’s NOT all about me! I didn’t stutter damn it, you heard me right. I’m all about helping those among us that are less fortunate than me. Particularly those struggling to make Christmas special for their families, I ceaselessly administer to the poor.
I was shocked though to discover how difficult it is to find a worthy recipient. Sadly the majority of those interviewed are doing much better than I am. I felt bad about this. I was compelled to do something self-less but didn’t know what if anything I should do. Being conflicted, and as I often do, I consulted the rules committee at ‘Curmudgeon Corner’ holding court at Blondie’s–but wasn’t prepared for their recommendations.
When I presented my dilemma, I was a bit miffed because it took at least 20 minutes for the three of them to stop giggling like little girls and actually get serious! After presenting my case, and the requisite level of alcohol consumed, it was determined I was to go all the way and make the boldest gesture of my puny life. I was actually going to do something noble!
I was instructed to drive up the mountain, ‘gird’ up my loins, and then climb the stairs leading to St. Mary’s Cross of Humility visible each night from Denver. From this vantage point life seemed crystal clear as to my purpose. When I reached the base of the cross I looked around not knowing what to expect. However, the subdued lighting revealed a simple cardboard box lying at its base. Six little kittens were crying in hunger and looking to me for a meal. I found my self-less act in a cardboard box!
I was so very excited as I hustled back down the stairs holding the box tightly. Unfortunately in my act of joy I failed to negotiate the final step and dropped the remaining 3 feet sending me flying. The box began tumbling down the steep embankment toward the rushing waters of Clear Creek. I hobbled down to its bank as fast as I was able, but sadly not in time. As the box began its journey toward the Platte, one of the kittens raised its little head above the box as if to say goodbye breaking my heart. The box quickly disappeared. It was the last I saw of them.
When I returned to report to my advisors I could hardly hold back the tears. I had failed in rescuing one of God’s meekest creatures and instead sent them to their little deaths.
I was surprised by the compassion shown me as the ‘Wise Men’ kindly explained, “Tis not the final result that sets man apart, it’s his intentions.” That is completely right! I didn’t set out to drown kittens, rather to feed and nurture them back to health. I’m not the bad guy here…really! I just hope I get some kind of credit for this.