SELF INFLICTED WOUNDS…..zuki hides under covers

dali“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”

Calvin Coolidge President of US

“Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.” Unknown

“Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.” E. Joseph Cossman “How I made $1,000,000 in mail order and so can you” fame

“I am not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of times I succeed: and the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I fail and keep trying.” Tom Hopkins, noted sales instructor

Good Morning Merchants of Dilatory,

I posted the above quotes primarily for me as I thought them appropriate for my current situation. Someday I hope to say something so meaningful that I’ll be quoted 100 years from now, but I’d be satisfied just to reverse the course I’m on.

It’s so comfortable to slip into a mindset that asserts anything negative in my life is not of my doing. In reality, though, everything that has happened to me has essentially been a self-inflicted wound. It’s much easier to assign fault for my ration of downturns as opposed to taking responsibility for them. Curiously, this revelation was unceremoniously dumped in my lap through a job interview.

The two-hour interview process was comprised of what could only be described as a ‘good cop’/‘bad cop’ routine that shot me out of the saddle and sent me reeling! The first interview was conducted by a woman who was amiable and allowed me to do what I do best and talk about myself. I raised my finger in the air and pontificated about my prowess and skills as it pertained to the unyielding pursuit of success.

I was very pleased with myself smugly sitting there sipping coffee thinking I had this one in the bag. Minutes later the ‘bad cop’ came in looking a bit annoyed. After a few minutes of small talk the interview began in earnest. He asked me to explain how I would handle various sales scenarios reflecting negative situations and to explain fully.

I replied in my usual cavalier style with all manner of glittering generalities using my arsenal of smoke and mirrors. Unimpressed he leaned forward looking me squarely in the eye and pressed me for specifics. He caught me each time stopping me mid-sentence again asking for exactitude!

I quickly ran out of bluster and bullshit and for the life of me couldn’t come up with anything! I danced all around it, but my ability for cognitive thought had seized up; making me feel like a cornered boxer fending off the relentless blows of his opponent. It was at this point I realized I’d been fooling myself and had actually joined the losers I’ve ridiculed for years. I’ve been wallowing in the fog of self-pity for so long I’d forgotten the true path.

Even though I’ve had 60 some rotations around the sun it’s not too late to begin anew. I swore to myself to never again buy into the doctrine of affixing blame. However, taking ownership of one’s faults and failures brings with it the guilt-ridden reality of how steep the climb back is. Forgive the cliché but it’s one foot in front of the other.

While imbibing heavily I was engaged in a conversation that euphemistically embraced suicide as an option. This stranger attempted to be tongue in cheek, but it was plain this person has deeply considered the action as viable.

I’m not sure if the two or three of you reading this Maxie Pad have ever seriously contemplated this extreme, but over the last several years I have. The very fact the idea was allowed space is scary enough let alone dwelling on it. Yet this ultimate act of giving up is a direct result of years spent sloughing off one’s problems as being created by someone else or God!

A few months ago we had one of our associates actually follow through and blow his brains out at the vary spot he’d scattered his mother’s ashes a year before. I don’t pretend to know all the details, but I can assure you he never blamed himself for his ongoing professional and personal problems.

Sorry for the Sobriety Checkpoint,
zuki