Over the years I’ve been privy to a number of callow acts of retaliation for both unknown and witnessed acts of malice. We’ve all heard about ‘Frank the Shank’ and his explosion. Do you remember the slashing of John Taylor’s tires? How about Duncun’s chewing tobacco swap for beef jerky? Although these acts of revenge were minor in nature, but it does represent the deep seated DNA in all of us!
But let’s face it; all those puny efforts represent a propensity for fizzle. In thinking about writing this piece I couldn’t help but think of my friend ‘Cush’ and the castration of his own truck! These collective acts of fruitlessness demonstrate what rank amateurs we are when it comes to delivering reprisals.
I read about an incident involving a professor in California who evidently has been in a long standing feud with another professor in the Math Department. While there was no indication as to what the issues were, professor Petrov has made it his life’s work to regularly urinate on his rival’s office door. NOW THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT!! The victim of Petrov’s fluidities finally complained to school authorities given the stench so a surveillance camera was installed eventually catching the good professor in the act. It’s too bad those of us with “friendly rivalries” can’t come up with something that simple and direct. Instead we are subject to moron’s tearing off bathroom doors. Shameful.
I think at this stage in life’s rich pageant, and I think I can speak for the two or three of you reading this enervated act of futility, have enough “pay-back” on our collective lists to clog Blondie’s toilet. Let’s don’t let bygones be bygones and move on, no I tell you NO! Let’s swear an oath to no longer ‘rage against the machine’ by placing boogers under your adversary’s chair! Rather let’s exact our collective “Pound of flesh” with imaginative straight forward acts of vengeance! We want to look back on these heroic acts during the challenging years ahead that will pick us up and place a big fat smile on our face.
I don’t want to cause undo violence toward those assholes who’ve slighted us years and years ago, because unless the offending party knows why they’re being singled out, and who is subjecting them to the pain it seems to me the whole effort is in vain. If I’m able to hang around for a few more rotations, I trust this little talk will pay dividends. C’mon you languid sissy’s let’s be real for a change and actually create spectacular ‘pay-backs’ and inflict pain!
Not only is it justified, but the act itself is cathartic! I for one am plotting the most creative unforgettable act of revenge ever; and have never felt so energized. Please join me.