Have a Heaping Helping
Have a Heaping Helping

Good Morning Creatures of Habit,

Once more our very own Bagwan has come to terms with his mortality and ‘all dressed up and no where to go.”  The Bagster who no longer cares about corporate mandates, unless you go after his ‘Ace in the hole’ and put him on lock-down then he loses his hair and begins to figit.  In spite of his attacks on my character or lack thereof, he makes a strong case for ‘Tongue-in-cheek” and would advise the two or three of you reading this thaumaturge to read it…..please enjoy:

Idioms, axioms, clichés and sayings – I’m not sure what they all mean and more importantly, I’m not sure how much faith we should put in something just because it is said all the time. Here at the Diatribe we constantly strive for the truth in an effort to improve the lives of our faithful reader(s). With that in mind let us try to sort the wheat from the chaff (an idiom I think) with regards to some of these things we hear on a regular basis. I would like to point out that I received prior permission from Zuki to use his life as a measuring stick.

For example you have all heard that “the early bird gets the worm.” Well there is no one who arrives earlier in the morning at the offices of Razor- Wreck than Zuki. Sure enough when Zuki was getting his annual health check-up he was diagnosed with intestinal worms.  On the other hand the one about every time a door closes another one opens would not seem to apply to his career unless you are talking about the door on the loading dock.

One that I hear a lot (especially from women) is “everything happens for a reason.” Now if you just got fired this morning then by all means go ahead and believe that. I somehow have a hard time believing that the families and friends of Jeffrey Dahmer’s victims have yet figured out any sort of reason.

I am uncomfortable with “today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Even though I don’t have a career anymore, I still feel that puts too much pressure on me. I am much less stressed thinking that tomorrow is the second day of the rest of my life.

How about this one: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”  If you are at the local newsstand and pick up a copy of Car and Driver and there is a picture of a car on the cover, you are well within your rights to race to judgment on what you are going to find inside. I guess using it in a less literal sense as it applies to people there is something to be said for its validity. Although with Zuki you are safe using the cover.

There is one that “the sun doesn’t shine on the same dog’s ass every day.” In my experience that is not necessarily true and I will give you an example. Steven Schwarzman runs a hedge fund called the Blackstone Group. Mr. Schwarzman received $690,000,000 in compensation for 2014. Now let me ask you, how many days during the year do you think that the sun was shining on Zuki’s rear end instead of Mr. Schwarzman’s?

If it sounds like I’m picking on Zuki don’t forget that I told you he gave me prior permission. Still I feel the need to say something nice about him. There is a saying that many believe that “a stich in time saves nine.” There is no doubt that dealing with problems promptly can work at alleviating bigger problems down the road. Zuki has a slightly different approach in that he believes if you just ignore it, eventually it will go away. I have to admit that I have tried Zuki’s approach and it does work… occasionally.

So in parting just remember that they put their pants on one leg at a time and that the bigger they are the harder they fall. But most important of all, be very careful what you wish for.


  • zuki

    Are you telling us we need large sums of money before the sun shines on our collective asses? Sometimes you can feel it’s warmth when handed a $20 when it should have been a $10….doesn’t that count?

    • bagwan1

      Once again you have things out of order. The sun shines on your ass and then you make money. It is a metaphor for … ah you are not going to get it.
      Lucky for you that “only the good die young.”
      Wait just a minute — good and young have nothing to do with you.