REN & STIMPY SELL ZUKI LIFE INSURANCE…….tv doctors subdued by cartoon characters

Selling zuki insurance
Selling zuki insurance

Good Morning Hanna-Barbera Wherever You Are,

“What a world—what a world—what a world” is moaned by the Wicked Witch as she melts from Dorothy’s inadvertent dousing. 77 years later the refrain still has relevance. Pardon me but I’ve got to get this off my chest so please bear with me. Perhaps the two or three of you reading this Kinetoscope have seen those e-surance commercials staring the Pink hair’d waif doing battle with evil predators working for the big insurance companies.

Have you noticed? Cartoons are quickly replacing actors and actresses. You know, those beloved thespians playing doctors on TV not to mention wise Stock Brokers? What does this say about us? Certainly it says we’re getting stupid! Kids today! They’ve been raised while watching Barney, Bart Simpson, and Family Guy ensconced in the Cartoon Network hour after hour. It’s no wonder we talk to puppets! The geniuses working in marketing think-tanks have obviously realized that not only is it cheaper to create cartoon spokes-characters, and as remarkable as that is, the demographic actually pays attention! Cha-ching!

It’s not just young people either! I opened junk mail from the AARP and was shocked, no stupefied to learn “Bullwinkle and Rocky,” yes that’s right, ‘moose and squirrel’ have become spoke-cartoons for Penn Life ‘burial insurance.’ Will somebody explain to me how the ‘Pink Panther’ sells fiberglass? ‘Red Bull gives you wings’ campaign must be killing it as the execs continue to purchase air time. Talking Geckos, lizards, frogs, are proven vessels for the insurance and beer industries. If you think about it, the two are lock stepped in a way, because one feeds the other as mandated policy holder’s drink to excess. Look I like cartoons as well as the next guy, but do you really want to buy something promoted by “Ren & Stimpy”!?

There is a glimmer of hope though, as I ordered my first “Black and Tan” last night. Like most self-respecting men, I was compelled to do so from an ad containing beautiful women; one in particular with stunningly smooth tanned luxuriously long legs personally encouraged me to drink Guinness. Do you honestly think “Yosemite Sam” is capable of such? Thankfully the old axiom “Sex Sells” is still true.  By-the-way I discovered if one manages to slog around and get through the black, the tan hardly matters.

Please excuse my righteous indignation but I’m very concerned. We now live in a society in which Hulk Hogan can get his own reality show and air it for six years! While technically we continue to advance exponentially leaving me to marvel and speculate about what’s next!

Socially speaking we’ve become retarded! E-book player companies should be your next big investment as we no longer have time nor the inclination to read! Now if you’ll excuse me its three minutes to ‘Family Guy.’


  • zuki

    Living in Europe aside, it was actually damn good! But I stand by my observation!

  • Prodigal Son

    How have you lived without a proper ‘black and tan’? I know im living in Europe and my comments may be disregarded as socialist rhetoric… but a black and tan satisfies a hard to reach place in the soul. Well done.

    • bagwan1

      I’ve heard JJ say the same about a vinegar and water. Come to think of it he might be and old douche bag.