and this was after arrest
and this was after arrest

Good Morning Slubbering Do-gooders,

Traumatic events typically happen suddenly with little or no warning.  But other times we face dire circumstances gradually.  What I mean by that is we see trouble coming and convince ourselves we’ve got time to address it later and look the other way.  One of the advantages of being a member of ‘Curmudgeon Corner’ is that one knows how to push the right buttons to exact a particular reaction.

Everyone could see it coming but could never believe we’d see this sort of violence in our lifetimes let alone last night.  One of our own (Bagwan) faced this kind of life changing event last night and narrowly escaped accountability.  The two or three of you reading this pussy willow wouldn’t be surprised to know his brush with culpability came at the hands of Bacchus.

As is the case most days the rules committee had an emergency meeting at Blondie’s to discuss the current record setting stock market.  Initially there was a spirited interchange with the normal hyperbole but it quickly escalated from reasonable to an ugly confrontation between Roger the Hairdresser and our own Bagwan.   RTH was no match for the grizzled holy man and mercilessly ground him to dust!  The humiliation RTH experienced was beyond most people’s ability to be civil.  The tension created caused the entire bar to quiet and focus on ‘curmudgeon corner’ no doubt smelling blood.  They didn’t have to wait long.

In a blink of an eye, RTH rushed the Bagster flailing his little emaciated arms but the nimble Bagwan ducked under his clumsy attempt to deck him.   Not wishing to hurt our Coiffure he whipped out his cell phone just as RTH took another drunken swipe at the wily name dropper.  Ducking the blow without disengaging his ear from the phone, he called the police.

As it normally does in our in-fighting the ensuing minutes that followed while waiting for the cops found an apologetic  RTH feeling sorry for his actions against his friend and wept to be forgiven.  This sort of ruckus is typical and most times all is forgotten the next day when viewed through a sober perspective.  But this time the hairdresser’s humble plea was met with contempt as our highly incensed member of the rules committee directed the police officers to our grieving friend and demanded he be arrested!

Speaking for the bar in general, nobody saw this coming!  Seeing this side of the more successful members of our group was both revealing and disturbing.  We watched in utter disbelief as the little man got cuffed and led out the door.

THIS IS UNCONSCIONABLE!  Bagwan walks away unscathed and unpunished for his part in the melee and as the squad car departed, his attorney suddenly appeared and seemed to be taking statements.  While I can’t be certain and have no direct proof I thought I saw the attorney giving money to several patrons still shocked by it all.  Amazingly he did not experience one repercussion for being drunk and disorderly.  He aggravated RTH beyond anyone’s ability to be silent, and then calls the cops on him!  Jeez.

However that’s not the story here!  Not only did he avoid owning up to his own complicity, he really didn’t think he did anything wrong!  In speaking with the Chief of Police John Collins about the case, his only response was “He’s a very lucky man.  Had the little guy punched him (Bagwan) with the diminutive one’s full force, he could have bruised him or possibly worry him to death!”

Roger the Hairdresser made bail but there are deep divisions at curmudgeon corner and I don’t think they’ll change anytime soon as both men are proud and refuse to give an inch.   Plus the Bagwan still plans to press charges because the vast majority witnessing the bizarre wind-milling swings remember that night quite differently than I do.  Without calling anyone a liar I did refuse to take money for interpreting the events a bit differently.  But to be completely honest here, they flat out didn’t offer enough money because I can always be bought!

I approached Bagwan days later and asked him how he feels about the chasm created due in large part to his bullying of our dear friend.  With a knowing smirk he said, “I’m just grateful I can get back to my life as an egocentric horses ass bent on silencing the stupid.”  While a noble cause to be sure, it serves notice to the rest of us that power and money will win out over righteous indignation every time!


  • zuki

    Perfect! Yet poor Dawn….the mud was particularly thick this evening…JJ was in fine dining and the hard boiled egg on a bed of iceberg lettuce smothered in Raspberry Vinaigrette simmered while we the unwashed got naked.

  • zuki

    Now we can add ‘in denial’ to the Bagwan’s list of endearing characteristics. Casting aspersions on my account of things is just sad and an obvious cry for help!

    • bagwan1

      I think it is time to have this out. I have been banned from Blondie’s for years. Not because of my behavior but because Dawn the bartender felt I could do better than wallow in the mud she is forced to call her life.
      As a result of my banishment I have never met Roger the Hairdresser but I have used some of his sketches to illustrate to my own personal makeup director what I am looking for.

  • bagwan1

    The only grain of truth in this nonsensical drivel is that I am in fact “an egocentric horses ass bent on silencing the stupid” — and darn proud of it I might add.