THE RECONDITE & OCCULT SEEK BAGWAN….zuki promised a bone

Shhhhhh...They're here!
Shhhhhh…They’re here!

Good Morning Cabalistic Ones,

It’s a dubious honor indeed to be granted the privilege of introducing a mere mortal posing as the keeper of truth & light.  The two or three of you reading this cobweb are in store for a real treat….so I give you the Bagwan….enjoy:

 

Sad as it may be, I got banned from Blondie’s several years ago. This banishment means that I am left to find my own Curmudgeon Corners where ever I can. It is a dark and lonely job but I am up to it. Plus when worst comes to worst, I am not that bad at drinking alone. In the words of Georgie T – “when I drink alone I prefer to be by myself.”

The net result is that I end up with a wider variety of idiots. I am currently avoiding one down at the Sporting News Grill who is a conspiracy theorist. His politics have a conservative bias, as do mine, but what bothers me is that the real source of his theories is some form of mental illness.

There are all sorts of conspiracy theories and I can’t think of one I believe. Roswell, Bigfoot and the grassy knoll are all interesting enough but where is the physical evidence. For example how come no one has ever found the remains of a dead Sasquatch? Don’t you think someone’s dog would have sniffed out a pelvic bone somewhere?

Experts say that conspiracy theories are born out of mental illness, resentment towards authority and the need to rationalize our own inadequacies. Stop what you are thinking right now! I am NOT talking about Zuki. I would remind you that the only conspiracy theory he subscribes to is the one he thinks is organized  against him personally — that my friends is just good old-fashioned, garden-variety paranoia.

I’m taken by the difference in conspiracy theories vs. believing in ghosts. To me it is sinister, sick and stupid to believe that 9/11 was a government plot. While I find something charming in believing that a deceased Lord of the manor still roams the halls of his castle.

I make irregular visits to the bar formerly known as Legends. They had an incident several years ago where a woman was sitting at the bar drinking like Cush on a 4 day weekend. Turns out she was not only pregnant but in labor. She excuses herself, goes to the ladies room and gives birth. She throws the baby in the trash and returns to the bar and resumes drinking. We make stuff up around here all the time, but my hand to God, this is all true.

By the time the baby is found by the cleaning crew the next morning she is dead. Would it be far-fetched to believe that the baby’s spirit (now a teenager) haunts Legend’s? All of the help there will tell you about doors opening and closing with no obvious explanation. None of them will go in alone in the morning to open. To me the most telling sign is that the only thing in the whole place which would appeal to a child is the bowling machine. One of the more eerie experiences is to hear the bowling machine go on by itself, reset the pins and return the ball — all while no one is within 20 feet of the thing.

I guess the event that convinced me that there could be ghosts in bars happened at Deweys back in the old days. Zuki was sitting on his barstool sucking down vodka and minding his own business when next thing you know he was catapulted onto the floor. Just like that he went from upright on his stool to prostrate on the floor. Most believed that liquid spirits led to Zuki’s tumble, but I have come to believe that it was an entirely different kind of spirit who ejected him from his seat.

Happy Halloween!

Bagwan

  • zuki

    The ghost of Dewey’s past was exorcised last Friday and could swear I saw Bagwan’s head spinning!!!

  • bagwan1

    The speculation that I may be the father of the ghost at Legend’s stems from the kind and caring nature of that ghost. The ghost at Deweys who threw Zuki from his stool may also have been kind and caring. No one is more kind and caring than Dawn the bartender and she told me she has had that fantasy almost every night she sees Zuki atop his stool at Blondie’s.

  • zuki

    After reading about the woman who gave birth at Legends then went back to her drinking, I interviewed the regulars and bartenders. It seems the Bagwan’s name surfaces as the suspected father of the unfortunate child. This of course is hearsay and rumors but I’m just sayin’…..