Good Morning Fettled Ones,
The late Johnny Carson once said, I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
I painfully re-discovered the old axiom “Use it or lose it” applies to me as well as the others I keep pointing to. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by it, yet it startled me. The last two months I’ve been suffering pains similar to sciatica but not exactly that. My legs could barely sustain my weight and even the simplest of tasks challenge me physically. So I closed my eyes and picked a doctor from a list accepting my health insurance and wound up seeing a male nurse practitioner.
After waiting around a full hour in the little room ‘Nurse Michael’ breezes in with a clipboard and offered up this brilliant prognosis, “Well you’re not getting any younger”…ha ha.. “Really? No shit doc….? I thought for sure there was a problem.” I didn’t get an explanation or so much as a guess from this moron so I stepped it up a notch co-payment wise and saw a Neurologist.
After a barrage of tests (including the rubber mallet on the knee) the young doctor sort of got in my face. “Mr. Zuki if you don’t get off your ass and begin a regular workout routine, particularly strength & conditioning within the next two years, you’ll find yourself in a wheelchair!”
Needless to say that got my attention, so within days I joined a 24 hour health club and went in for my first workout last Sunday. I was assigned to a young dude who as part of their business plan, was to work with me to get started and then sign me up for ‘personal training.’ I declined.
For me the 45 minute session was a hellish ordeal. I was assured that what he was having me do was the very minimum; serving as a base-line to hopefully improve the number of ‘reps’ in each exercise on each visit. Given only the minimum was administered, I’m now re-considering the wheelchair!
I set my alarm to 4 AM last night thinking that would be a good time for me so I could workout but still make my 6AM work schedule. My ‘Smart’ phone was in the front room the alarm blasting away. I began to climb out of bed but immediately froze with near paralyzing contorting and cramping! As of this writing there is not a single place on my body that isn’t sore and knotted in painful retribution!
For the two or three of you still reading this flapdoodle I suppose my condition could once again be described as a self-inflicted wound. For the last 25 years my ideas about exercise was drinking beer in a golf cart and occasionally walk more than 10 steps to my ball! This sluggardly behavior is now extracting a significant price both financially and physically!
As a ‘Public Service Announcement’ (PSA) from the ‘Diatribe’….. Do yourselves a favor and get off your collective asses and DO SOMETHING….. ANYTHING…… BTW…JERKING OFF DOESN’T COUNT