CUSH COMES BEARING GIFTS…..JJ makes him leave in a huff…

Good Morning Children of Estivation,

SiCushnce the return of this our humble forum I’ve heard from several of you.  Most were supportive and said they’d start tuning in again to which I’m grateful.  But there was one of you that mocked me wishing me to “Die from a slow and painful stomach cramp.”  That hurt a little….but I moved on.

I learned fairly early in life that not everyone is going to like me.  Still in my own mind (such as it is) I expect everyone to like me and never understand when someone expresses displeasure with something I said or acted out.  Then there are situations when friends don’t see the humor when the joke is at their expense and feel ganged up on.  Being thin skinned will, most times, result in “leaving in a huff” yelling insults feeling hurt over essentially nothing.  Yet the delicate among us are doomed to be a target.

Last Friday I witnessed a terrible example of being thin-skinned.

Our good friend ‘Cush’ had just returned to ‘Curmudgeon Corner’ from a week in Keystone and came bearing gifts.  Cush and his bride are collectors.  To illustrate just how badly they suffer from collection stockpile syndrome, they’ve dedicated an entire room to Denver Bronco & Avalanche memorabilia including jerseys, photo’s (many with autographs) and other such stuff you’d find in most “Man Caves.”  That said, and to put this in proper context, most man caves include a bar and/or a regulation sized pool table!  In Cush’s shrine there’s barely room to stand….with boxes of stuff stacked 6 or 7 feet high!  I think it would comfortably fit the clinical definition of “Hoarding.”

Cush was thoughtful enough to buy “Keystone” t-shirts for Dawn the bartender, Just Joe, and yours truly.  Cush, being worried about beer staining the new garment, put mine in a plastic bag and hung it on the back of my chair.  JJ came in about an hour later and found his usual place at the bar.  An excited Cush fished out his t-shirt smiling ear to ear, and as if an ancient artifact carefully presented his gift to JJ who immediately said thank you and set the cotton blend shirt next to him on the bar returning to his beer.

After a near miss, a spilt beer courtesy  of Roger the hairdresser, Cush in a concerned voice pleaded with JJ to remove it from the bar and put it in a plastic bag while pointing to my example.  JJ who obviously had enough of this whining about spilt beer; spread his gift over the bar with the ‘Keystone’ graphic facing up.  He then took his glass of Coors’s Light and in a very cruel mean spirited way carefully poured most of his brew on the t-shirt.  This ignited the corner into laughter because it was genuinely unexpected catching us all off guard, eliciting huge guffaws.

Bristled and embarrassed Cush told us all to “fuck ourselves” and like a petulant child stomped out in a huff!  JJ ran after him yelling “Come back Cush…Come back….I’m sorry” but it was too late, the damage was done.

For the two or three of you still reading this barbarous cumshaw I hope this will be a lesson to you.  When you accept a gift from another person, particularly a friend, don’t wipe your ass with it until you get home!!  Jeez….

zuki

  • bagwan1

    I did the leg work you old time followers of the Diatribe would expect of me and just like that loser buffoon Sergio I’m walking down 18 tapping my heart and blowing kisses to people who hate me.
    In a nutshell Cush did bring back gifts. Dildos for Dawn and JJ and a J. Edgar Hoover Kaftan for Zuki.
    The only person that was the least upset was JJ because batteries were not included — Dawn always carries a full supply.

    • zuki

      Oh yeah?!!! The Kaftan looks much better on me than J Edgar….but you didn’t notice too busy pounding your heat and blowing kisses. It must have taken a while because shit….no I can’t prove it, but everybody hates you!

  • zuki

    Yes, I’m hurt you’d automatically question the veracity of this tragic story! I hope JJ chimes in with his usual honest accounting of things.

  • bagwan1

    I hate that my very first comment on the new Diatribe is going to question Zuki’s truthiness but I have no choice. I have known JJ for over 50 years and in all that time I have never seen him spill so much as a drop of beer even in his most drunken states. The idea that he would pour out “most of his brew” to make a point doesn’t ring true.
    A lot of stuff slips by Zuki — maybe it was Cush’s beer which would explain the stomping off.
    Just out of curiosity, did Cush observe the first rule of stomping off which is never pay your tap.