Typically, when the ‘Bagged One’ writes something it stands by itself not needing a preface. But his need to obsess over and fuss with his most deserved sacking has turned into a personal attack. We’ve come to expect this sort of behavior from him. Just as his trips to the toilet becomes a random search for the bowl his venomous pen points willy-nilly saturating everybody but the intended target. Sad really.
Read at your peril:
Just like they used to do on the old Batman TV series with Adam West, I will give you a brief update before we go on to the second episode. The Joker (you all know who that is) fired me from my new position as Sports Editor. I had appointed myself as Sports Editor last weekend without consulting Himself because he is difficult to contact on the weekends. He claims to be involved in the Arts but I think it is closer to arts and crafts. The last object of “art” he put up for sale was a quilt he made depicting the fat Elvis.
I think Zuki feared a loss of control. He has experienced a loss of control in the past but the only consequences were soiled undies. This was loss of control of the Diatribe and his unfettered ability to suppress freedom of speech. Well there are a least some of us here who firmly support the First Amendment. In fact, I am certain that JJ and Cush support all of the amendments except the one that started Prohibition and the one that gave women the right to vote. Sports Analogy Alert! … It is interesting that those were the 18th and 19th amendments, which represented something of a batting slump for Congress.
I am not going to go down without a fight. I am reminded of the fact that at one point even Steve Jobs was fired by Apple only later to come back to take it over again and then take Apple to new and unimagined heights. It may be presumptuous of me to envision myself as a Steve Jobs, but I can be an asshole sometimes and I look pretty darn good in a long- sleeved, black, mock turtleneck.
This aggression will not stand. You are going to get a sports’ report from me this week whether Zuki likes it or not. So here goes:
Before I was fired I was going to cover the replacement referee issue. I didn’t like the replacement refs but what I disliked even more was the bullying by coaches and players. I also hated the nonstop coverage by the media and the analysis of every tiny detail. I hated the fact that they were being compared to perfection and not other fallible human beings. There was a complete lack of proportion — they were refereeing a fucking football game for chrissakes. It’s not like they were judges at the Miss America Pageant.
The rest of the Sport Report is all about me. I did well in my pool where you pick every game, missing only two this week as opposed to 9 last week. I survived in my losers’ pool picking Cleveland to lose. I am no longer sad about the Broncos, I’m almost giddy. Most importantly, I did not watch the Ryder Cup on Sunday because Saturday afternoon Zuki told me the US had it wrapped up.
Being involved in a dispute like this reminds me of a crusty old oil man I worked for by the name of Bucky Brock. It seemed like Mr. Brock was involved in disputes almost daily and he always came up with the same threat: “When I’m done with that fella, he’s gonna feel like he just jacked off a grizzly bear.” Of course the thing is with Zuki you never know — he might think that sounds like fun.