BUY YOUR OWN FRIGGIN’ BIRTHCONTROL!….bagwan awaits debates

“I’m telling you, these are NOT plugs”

Abortion is an issue way too volatile for us to address here at the Diatribe. I wish it was left out of Presidential politics. In the almost 40 years since Roe v. Wade there have been 8 Presidents and not one of them has been able to change the basic effect of that decision. All eight of them have made decisions with regards to things like war, domestic security and the economy which have changed the course of history. Why don’t we focus on stuff like that instead of pandering to what I think are unwarranted fears? I say this as someone who has a strong history in support of women’s rights. I have even started taking classes down at the community center designed to strengthen my feminine side. This is unlike my friend Zuki who is only willing to work on his inner child.

I am also bothered by what appears to be a new inalienable right to free contraceptives. The rules committee has always wanted to decide who should and should not be allowed to procreate. We even offered some neutering procedures for free, but I think this movement is different. I remember that when my wife and I got married back in 1965, we managed the size of our family by using birth control pills which we paid for ourselves. Now we have this outrage that women cannot get free contraception. The Democratic party even trotted out this poor little innocent “college” girl, Sandra Fluke. Well it turns out that Sandra is in her 30’s, a longtime feminist activist and a planted shill for the Party.

There is nothing inherently wrong with any of those things. There is something terribly wrong with the deception associated with the misrepresentation of her as some sort of wronged and righteous character from a Frank Capra movie. If my wife and I as married teenagers could figure out contraception, I am guessing that Sandra and all her fellow Georgetown law school classmates could do the same.

This idea of having choices and having control over your own body is a joke to us men. As young men we didn’t have any choice or control because all we could think about was getting laid. Men (and dogs) do not have the ability to abstain — at least not until we reach the minimum age for joining Curmudgeon Corner.  Women do have that ability and are willing to use it as leverage. As we men age and become detached from our own penis we begin to notice that maybe this disadvantage in the self-control area was being exploited. It is disheartening to find out that “quid pro quo” is the real meaning of a loving giving relationship.

I hesitate to drag politics into the Diatribe. We certainly don’t need to offend the few people who read this crap. I would tell you that I did not vote for Obama the first time based on his resume. He did not have the experience to be CEO of JJ’s company, much less CEO of the most powerful nation in the world. This time I am not going to vote for him because of his actual track record. I don’t buy that four years and trillions of dollars later we should accept that a sustained unemployment rate of over 8% (including my own son’s) is still the fault of his predecessor.

Since I have decided who I am voting for, I will probably watch only the first Presidential debate and then only if I don’t get a better offer for that evening. The Vice Presidential debate is an entirely different matter. For the same reason we slow down to see a car wreck, watching Joe Biden “articulate” his views of the world is worth taking the chance of  getting rear-ended. I understand why people question the intelligence of a Sarah Palin or a Dan Quayle. What I don’t understand is how you even can say the words, “Ladies and gentleman I give you the Vice President of the United States, Mr. Joe Biden.”  I might not be a big fan of Obama, but I absolutely adore him compared to what we have just a heartbeat away.


  • Tammy

    If Zuki would just cut his head off the market would bounce upward 15%! Birth control pills all around!!!

    • Bagwan

      Tammy, it is always nice to hear from you. No need to attack Zukl, he is no longer involved in any of the acts which could result in an abortion.

  • zuki

    …And I mean this with no disrespect, but it sounds as though our much ballyhoo’d neutering campaign may have had better success as “Tube-Tying” 101. I’m not declaring a war on women for God’s sake, but don’t you think that would be far more cost effective than 25 years of birth control! Make that decision now and get a $5,000 tax credit! Shit fire! if we could eliminate 75% of lifetime welfare recipients from having children we could balance the national debt toot-sweet!!

  • Bagwan

    Well fez I think the young lady makes a valid point. This is the type of person that the Dewey’s neutering committee had in mind when we came up with our idea of a free sterilization program. In retrospect the one thing all of our committees lacked was follow through.That was probably a combination of age and alcohol.
    We only tried to neuter one person and that was Jim the TV Screamer. I think we could have got it done if Zuki would have gotten us a steak knife instead of a butter knife — in any case we never saw Jim again

  • fez

    Bagwan, we enjoyed your post so keep them coming. But we in accounts receivable are not used to politically charged entries so it made today’s first coffee break interesting. With the exception of a very young (24) woman, everyone was on your side of the issue. When pressed as to why her birth control should be funded by the taxpayer, all she could say was, and I’m paraphrasing, “It would be in the taxpayers interest to keep me from having children.”

  • Just JOE

    I say we should get Government out of morality
    Private rights should not spring from public plurality
    The economy needs work
    More planning… less knee jerk
    Get rid of these pols before they rule us in Totality!