Marzuki Online

Archive for category zealots

“GIVING IT UP FOR YOUR LOVE”…..zuki walks toward the light

May 17

Posted by Marzuki in Acceptance, Art, Beer, Blues, Boogaloo, Brush w/Greatness, Celebrities, Concerts, curmudgeon, Dead Musicians, Death, Gotta Dance, Health Issues, Humpty Hump, Kona, Live Happily Everafter, Old People, Party Animal, Rich & Famous, Shriveled Liver, Sobriety, zealots | 9 Comments

Good Morning Sunshine & Lace,

Last week I had the occasion to patronize the Gothic Theater to watch Delbert McClinton entertain mostly geezers and old ‘Hippies’ bent on recapturing the quickly evaporating past.  The Gothic Theater is no doubt like many old ‘Art Deco’ theaters built in the 30’s – 40’s either long since torn down or saved as historic landmarks.  The upstairs mezzanine has its own bar in addition to a large bar at the back of the main floor near the entrance.    For those of you born after the Vietnamese “Conflict” Delbert taught John Lennon of Beatles fame how to play a little used instrument today called the harmonica.  After suffering through a couple of warm up acts (Delbert’s kid) that left me ready to pack it in, Delbert’s band was introduced and finally the “house was a rockin’.”  

All focused in closely observing one of the white legends of the blues join his band in a raucous rendition of “Givin’ it up for your love” with a harmonica solo that has been forever his signature.  Chair dancing, head bobbing, and mild shuffling could be observed from any vantage point in the theater.  Our own ‘twinkle toes’ Joe was so taken by the music he hop scotched down the aisle to dance with an old woman who had braced herself against one of the several support pillars on the main floor.  Without warning JJ grabbed her arm believing she’d be thrilled with the chance of cutting a rug with our own Just Joe!  Unfortunately given the number of rotations she’s witnessed it was clear by her smile the mind was willing, but her body could no longer cash the checks and fell to the floor.  When all nearby saw what had happened, they immediately looked to JJ most of them thinking what a dirt-bag he was for pushing an old woman to the ground!  In a panic, JJ instead of helping the woman to her feet, turned away and ducked back into the crowd headed for the bar.  I tell you it was shameful!

I wandered down past JJ’s debacle and got close to the stage.  I couldn’t tell from where I was standing at the bar just how much this legend had aged since last I had the pleasure.  Pushing 70 rotations he still had fire in the belly and gave his all, toweling off every couple of minutes.  But after six or seven songs he announced to the crowd that he was taking a break and would be back ‘shortly.’  His band continued without him, but I paid my $40 to see Delbert yet understood why the breaks were necessary.  This made me sad.  I thought to myself, “WOW….one more reminder of our collective grind toward death…jeez”  In addition to Delbert’s obvious decline you may have watched the Rolling Stones and Tom Petty’s pathetic performances at recent Super Bowl half-times.  I’ve vowed this was to be my last journey to watch aging hero’s of yesteryear’s anthology.  I have enough reminders of my own deterioration and don’t need additional slaps to the face.

Okay, I fully understand that aging will affect my physical and maybe mental state exponentially from here on in.  Yeah I get it.  That said though, I also vow to go kicking and screaming sliding head first into home plate using ALL of the runway!  Most importantly though, I must find a way back to Kona.  Whenever my last breath is scheduled I want to be on a secluded beach and become crab food.

zuki

BONAMASSA IN CONCERT….zuki remembers why

Apr 27

Posted by Marzuki in Brush w/Greatness, Celebrities, Concerts, Drunken sloppy, Ferris Bueller, Gotta Dance, Ordained, Party Animal, Rich & Famous, Road Trip, Santa, Singing, zealots | 4 Comments

Good Morning Santa Wherever You Are,

34 year old Joe Bonamassa and his band came to Denver Tuesday night.  Sitting in the front section about 10 rows back, I was genuinely excited about being there.  Not only because Bonamassa is considered one of the heavy hitters in the rock/blues world, but was sharing the experience with my eldest son who gave me Tuesday evening as a Christmas gift, making the evening a perfect one.  Wikipedia’s bio said his father gave Joe B his first guitar at the age of 4.  By his seventh birthday he was playing Stevie Ray Vaughan and Jimi Hendrix tunes note for note!

I’m guessing the two or three of you reading this gelatinous goo haven’t attended many Symphonies.  I’ve been to exactly one.  Seasoned patrons can always tell a rookie.  They’re the ones that begin clapping thinking the song had ended, rather than the pause between ‘Movements.’  His songs were performed much the same way.  He’d begin softly, barely able to hear above the morons yelling “Go Joe” or my personal favorite “you da man.” Keep in mind the majority of attendees were in their 50’s – 60’s with weak bladders.  Slowly the music would build in volume and complexity drawing the head-dancing audience in, driving a few possessed idiots to their feet bobbing and weaving to the electricity; music ending in a chromatic scale crescendo that could raise the dead.  In one instance a dick with ears rose to his feet as if he was at ‘Woodstock,’ blocking the view of the redneck sitting behind him.  Seats in the front section were $119.00 a pop, so I laughed out loud when the redneck kicked the moron’s chair hard enough to spill half his beer causing him to turn around.  The redneck leaned in toward this dumb ass and said loud enough for me to hear, “Sit Down!”  The prick never stood up again. 

In sixty some rotations I’ve been to a few concerts.  Obviously watching live, I can’t remember any guitar player that didn’t occasionally create ‘sleeve noise’ from rapid chord changes.  I confess to drinking heavily before, during, and after the show, but even in my alcohol induced stupor I didn’t hear a single instance of sleeve noise from Mr. Bonamassa.  Lightning fast his hands articulated each chord and note with such precision it raised the hair on the back of my neck.  He played and sang with such emotion, it caused me to well up on several occasions not really understanding why, but his music blasted raw emotion.

Getting old is cruel enough.  The onslaught of malady after malady is all part of life’s rich pageant, but letting one’s mind become a tottering decrepit needle skipping back and forth repeating the same segments on an LP is by far more tragic.  We hope to make it to BINGO right after the “Early Bird Special” down at the home.  Elvis impersonators will be drawing letters. GAWD!

I’ve about run out of superlatives.  It’s just as well as they don’t really explain how I felt.  All I can say is the kid loves to play and is prolific so I suspect it won’t be long before he makes an appearance somewhere nearby.  Go see him. 

zuki

FREDDY KRUEGER RUNS THE I.R.S….zuki finishes bottle of ketel one

Apr 18

Posted by Marzuki in Acceptance, Angry Bartenders, ASS, bastards, Black Hole, Blood Sucking, brain dead, Can't fix Stupid, Changes, Cold & Hard, Crying, curmudgeon, Darwin Award, Elitist, Fine Dining, Freddy Krueger, Guilt Ridden, Hack & Slash, Hell, I.R.S., Judgement Day, Liberals, Lie to Me, Meltdown, Mr. Hankey, Murder, Mysteries, Old People, Packed & Pressed, Pain, Pigs, poor, Prep H, ripped off, Sackcloth & Ashes, Sleep, stalking, stinky feet, Sucking, taxman, Technology, Torture, Urinal Cakes, War, zealots | 10 Comments

Good Morning Seekers of Alms,

I have ambivalent thoughts in just about all themes or categories.  I apologize in advance, but honestly this feeling of worthlessness comes each year at tax time.  There’s nothing like filing taxes to reinforce what a fucking loser one has become.  The fact we’re not alone is of little comfort. Birthdays…piece of cake!  Drop smoking…nothing if not a sense of triumph!  Artwork, professional recognition (zero enumeration), both of which are things important to me; but pale when compared to the I.R.S. and its handiwork.   Have you accessed the I.R.S. website lately?  If not, I’d encourage you to hit the ‘forms’ link.  There are at least 1,500 forms representing all manner of tax obligations, explanations, penalties, as well as payments due!  While there are a few of you (they know who they are) that can afford competent professionals that understand and keep up with current tax revisions.  But for the unwashed making payments to the I.R.S. we can’t afford such trust.  Do we REALLY need 1,500 tax forms and addendums?  I think not!

God I hate to sound so ungrateful, I do appreciate the freedoms and opportunities that avail themselves to those of us willing and prepared to receive them!  But you have to understand!  I’m the victim in all of it!  Please bear with me because I know this is the seventh (7th) annual spewing of distain and contempt for the tax system we’ve adopted as law.  However, in spite of my willingness to pay my fair share, I must “Rage against the machine;” nothing less than you would expect.

The above certainly explains my rational but doesn’t really get to the heart of the matter.  Finishing off the Ketle One and Pinot Noir in the same evening, thrust me into a state that could only be described as a mix of blind hate and self pity.    The act of accounting for the year serves as the “Oracle’s Eye” revealing the raw truth both ugly and odd.

DAMN IT!….I REALLY MEANT WELL…THIS SHIT HAS BEFALLEN ME INSPITE OF MY BEST EFFORTS!

Okay, I’m sorry for the emotional outbreak, but it couldn’t be helped.  Roger the ‘Hairdresser’ has been beside himself over his alleged $15K tax bill making everyone’s life miserable in the process.  If I take on similar countenances please choke me out.  No charges will be filed. 

I think we’re all familiar with the scripture regarding how “the truth will set you free.”  I’m here to tell you that’s a load of skid marks!  Hyperbole wins most times.  I can hear you mollusks now,…”zuki isn’t what you’re saying is that your best efforts are a lie?”…WAIT A MINUTE…not so fast!  What I’m trying to tell the two or three of you still reading this post mark is absolute truth is not always beneficial!  It’s difficult to gage the right mix.  Never-the-less, it seems times have changed and it’s become necessary to secure someone better at it than I am.

zuki

LETTUCE, CARROTS, and APPLES OH MY!…..zuki goes cardio

Apr 16

Posted by Marzuki in Acceptance, Angry Bartenders, Birthday, Blues, Cellulite, Chubby Dancing, Colonoscopy, curmudgeon, Dwarfs, Easter, Fat, Fecal Bliss, FOOD, Free Samples, Health Issues, Humpty Hump, Live Happily Everafter, Ogle, Old People, Pain, Peeping Tom, Rectal Eclispe, sandwich, stalking, Torture, Virgins, zealots | 10 Comments

Good Morning Juggernauts,

As we continue to circle this rock aging and quickly deteriorating, medical science tells us it becomes more important to exercise and maintain good height to weight ratios than when we were younger. Dah! Of course there are literally thousands of diet plans, routines, and methodologies published to assist us in accomplishing this important part of being a healthy curmudgeon. As a public service to men mostly, and particularly the two or three of you reading this poppycock, I’d like to share zuki’s exercise plan for cardiovascular maintenance. I suspect women could also share, but I have no proof.

If you’re like me, the exercise part of any program becomes tedious and boring. This of course makes the regimen more difficult to sustain.  I’ve tried reading or watching TV while on the stationary bike, but always succumb to motion sickness. This tends to shorten my workout thus negating any benefit gained. I’ve walked/jogged on a regular basis, but also found it to be monotonous beyond my ability to cope; again suspending my workout. It was apparent I was doomed to live insalubriously the rest of my days. I mentally prepared to fight any malady that descended on me one by one and let fate take its course, when one of our own sent me an article regarding a new study.

I’ve been reborn! I just finished a two hour workout. I feel refreshed and highly energized from this new found cardio program. If you’re a member of a gym this program may be easier facilitated than having to find the proper workout location. This said, with a little effort and research each of you can personalize a program. A new five year study of 200 men carried out by Dr. Karen Weatherby determined staring at women’s breasts is good for men’s health and makes them live longer. I understand reading my stories seem like fiction, but I can actually prove the veracity of this posting! Dr. Weatherby further states, “Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There is no question that gazing at breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of a stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years.” The results of her study were published in The New England Journal of Medicine and makes fascinating reading.  Of course the good doctor’s study does not account for the ‘No Mas’ syndrome or homosexuality but perhaps there’s an exchange program.

Ogling comes naturally for most men (sorry JJ), particularly curmudgeons. It didn’t take long to find an inexpensive place one could engage in ogling without being arrested. I’ve been going to the grocery store, in the produce section in particular, lingering by the melons the last few weeks.  It provides great cover for this healthy activity. There are opportunities at your favorite bar, but given the subject’s stationary position, continued ogling may result in a slap to the face or even expulsion making a bar inconsistent. Once again the grocery store offers a venue with an assortment of women wearing shorts and halter-tops or other revealing clothes that accentuate the mammary glands. Plenty of vantage points offer sustained viewing and at least a half dozen “walk bys” without arousing suspicion. For starters I highly recommend your local Food King!

The study indicates that 10 minutes of ogling is equal to a 30-minute aerobic workout. This new discovery has given ole zuki a new lease on life and actually makes working out something I look forward to. So if you’ll excuse me, I must dash off to the store for some coffee and get my cardio.

zuki

WE’VE BECOME A POLICE STATE…..zuki ties a yellow ribbon

Apr 9

Posted by Marzuki in Arrested, Balding, Bigotry, Blood Sucking, Butchered Songs, Cod Piece, Cops, Dead Musicians, Elitist, Free Samples, Handicaped people, Hunker Down, Innocent, Karma, Lie to Me, Masters, Mr. Hankey, Old People, Pigs, Singing, Suicide Pact, zealots | 9 Comments

Good Morning, and Malfeasance Aside:

I’m particularly troubled today (surprise there eh), at the unabashed harassment of those of us that drive within reason, and always with a purpose. As many of you are aware, Police traffic officers are primarily made up of young 23 to 27 year old men and now have admitted women to the club. This has created a senescent-gap between the “Baby Boomers” and the Sub-X generation. I’m old enough to be their fathers, and represent an authority figure such as a school teacher, or probably a coach they hated and not far removed from their lives. This has not only become a problem, but has now reached societal persecution on the highest level, there needs to be governmental protection. Let me give you an example:

I’m driving down the street enjoying the recently arrived Spring weather (Denver is always 6 weeks behind the rest of the country) listening to one of my favorite CD’s from Tony Orlando and Dawn; “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round’ the Old Oak Tree” and had the volume up, as it’s a real toe-tapper. Unbeknownst to me a young motorcycle cop was two car lengths behind and in the opposite lane, and couldn’t help but hear my musical selection. Within minutes he pulled me over. He said it was because of my excessive speed. I was going 29 in a 25 mph zone! I had no idea he was harboring such animosity.  What a supreme prick! The truth was finally revealed as to his motivation.  Just as he returned my license, he said, “sir, as a word to the wise, you may want to either turn your music down or select another CD, because you’re going to piss off every officer in ear-shot of your car”. He walked away grinning at me with a smirk reminiscent of the playground; “naa-nan-a-nan-ah”. I wanted to ground him for a month!

So please, those of you who can see the victimization and brutal prejudice permeating our great land, join with me in writing your Senator. It’s never too late to write a strongly worded letter detailing your outrage.

Revolution Now!!!!

zuki