FAVORS GRANTED…OFFERINGS MADE…..zuki looks for the worthy

Good Morning Anguished Dotards,

They (whoever that is) say ‘misery loves company’ and most certainly there are many miserable people living among us!

“Whatever it is that you do, it is very important to note that bringing other people down is one habit of unsuccessful people and for whatever reason put forward, you must never be a part of it.” – Fola Daniel Adeles

One of the best examples of this is from the world of Crustaceans. Maybe the two or three of you reading this bakemeat will remember ‘Crabs in a Bucket;’ a metaphor that refers to every person for themselves rather than cooperate to save all. “If I can’t have it, neither can you” as each crab nearing escape is mercilessly drug down by the others so all become a crab pot dinner.

While fresh from Thanksgiving and feeling magnanimous I committed to myself to help someone less fortunate. This proved to be much more difficult than I imagined, as I couldn’t find anyone worse off than me!

I was forced to remove myself from the ‘comfort zone’ and do something that most would consider desperate and slithered into the “Maggot.”  If you’ve ever heard Ray Wylie Hubbard’s song “Snake Farm” it was based on his visit to our beloved bar rather than an actual roadside attraction. No doubt the most poignant part of the refrain is… “It’s a reptile house.”

If one is committed to finding a life consumed by misery, the ‘Maggot’ will not disappoint. Most of the regulars are fine individuals that seem to have their collective lives in order and proud we are of them. But there’s always a mumbler or someone sitting alone nursing a drink for an hour. These are prime candidates!

It didn’t take long.

As I finished off my Vodka-Tonic a heavy set woman I guess to be in her early 50’s came in and ordered a PBR paying for it in change. Besides being the foulest beer on the planet, paying in dimes, nickels, and pennies identified this red-headed woman as being eligible for my help.

My immediate problem was how best to approach her. To my great relief within minutes, she finally opened the door as she began sobbing loudly putting her head into her arms obviously distressed. I got up and walked to the other side of the bar and sat next to her and asked: “What’s the matter?” She lifted her head looking at me suspiciously through smeared mascara and said, “It’s none of your business, but if you have to know, my transmission blew up and don’t have $2,500 to fix it.”

This absolutely falls into the category of ‘being careful what you wish for’ as I had no intention of giving her the money. I reserve that level of contribution for the IRS!

After considering my options I had what one could only call an epiphany! I bought her another PBR and explained I knew someone that could help her. Scotty is a damn fine mechanic so I brought him over and she explained she’d do anything….as she needed transportation for her job at Jimmy John’s while grabbing Scotty by the arm. I suggested out loud that he could offer an affordable payment plan further throwing my fellow patron under the bus.

I quickly paid my tab and wished all good luck patting myself on the back for my very slick extrication and headed for the door.  Just as I got to the rear entrance Scotty and the red-head stopped me and it was clear Scotty was not pleased.

It seems Scotty agreed to arrange a payment plan under the condition I co-sign guaranteeing payment should she default.


Just like crabs in a bucket, Scotty was not going to let me escape and drug me back into the fray! so much for helping others…. and as usual my intentions were again noble and selfless…..but execution was weak.. Jeez