Good Morning ‘Pinky’ Lifters,

Last weekend was a milestone for Cush and his family.  Cush’s youngest son actually earned his high school diploma, and distinguished himself from his parents and older brother who obtained G.E.D.’s after dropping out of high school.  In the years I’ve known this family, I can’t remember when I’ve seen our Cush so filled with pride.  Typically he’s filled with something else, but last Saturday our boy became the consummate host of a backyard grad party with all the trimmings.  Do you remember ever getting an ‘ice sculpture’ for graduation?  Yes in addition to the ice sculpture (rigged for pouring booze down its length to chill it), there was a ‘corn hole’ beanbag game, four canopies covering tables and chairs for the distinguished guests, pulled pork, 20’ Subway sandwich, music (chainsaw variety), Aunt Myrna in person, half-dozen rug rats, full keg of…..ugh…Bud Lite, vaporizer, and all the accoutrements one could ingest, inhale, or otherwise consume!  It was truly a well thought out affair complete with chronological pictures of baby, child, teen, and graduating son.

My first sense of things turning south, and it seems they always do, was saying hello to ‘Charlie’ Cush’s stepbrother who managed to get blotto’d before a single guest arrived.  He was planted in the porch swing passed out, mouth agape, and a steady flow of drool collecting on his AC – DC T-shirt.  Knowing full well it could only get better, like clockwork Cush descended from nowhere and snagged our expensive bottle of whiskey pouring shots down the ice sculpture for his ex-con stepbrother and the boys from the union hall.  Stranahan’s brought as a gift by JJ and yours truly, thinking the adults would understand how it’s to be enjoyed, were utterly shocked but not surprised by its abuse!  For those non-mountain folk, Stranahan’s is a local Colorado distillery which has been featured on the ‘History’ channel as part of a world tour of the finest spirits.  It’s a blended Whiskey 94 proof and considered a fine ‘sipping’ whiskey. 

The two or three of you still reading this ‘burnt weenie sandwich’ have no doubt attended more cultured and refined soirées, can only try to envision my abject horror when ‘Rodney’ the other stepbrother took his shot and slammed it like cheap Tequila wiping the excess off his chin with his sleeve.  One by one the ‘extra’s’ from old ‘Hee Haw’ episodes followed suit calling it “smoooooth.”  JJ and I looked at each other momentarily and began laughing!  It didn’t matter how many times we admonished them to sip it, the in-bred nature of Jimmy Hoffa disciples did what came natural.  Cush seemed overly fascinated with the pour spouts incased in the ice and kept draining our lovely gift until it was gone. Jeez!

Up until a few weeks ago, I had no idea what a vaporizer was outside of having a bad cold.  The wonder of modern science has crossed over to the dark side making accoutrement consumption more effective with little to zero harshness.  This mainline to the blood stream and its staggering effect was demonstrated by one of our own.  Not one plate, not two plates, not three plates, but four…count em…four plates of food with a big hunk of cake for desert nearly became a full fledged ‘munchies’ emergency.  However, being the grizzled veteran he is, managed NOT to shit himself and buck up but did temporarily list to one side.  Very disturbing.

All in all though the mix of ‘Goth’s, wanna be gangsta’s, and Teamsters infused with grandchildren, Aunt Myrna, and a few maroons made for an interesting afternoon.  The graduate collected a cool grand which surprisingly he put in the bank.  Not bad for the first act of a high school graduate.

Zuki