Marzuki Online

Archive for category Beer

“GIVING IT UP FOR YOUR LOVE”…..zuki walks toward the light

May 17

Posted by Marzuki in Acceptance, Art, Beer, Blues, Boogaloo, Brush w/Greatness, Celebrities, Concerts, curmudgeon, Dead Musicians, Death, Gotta Dance, Health Issues, Humpty Hump, Kona, Live Happily Everafter, Old People, Party Animal, Rich & Famous, Shriveled Liver, Sobriety, zealots | 9 Comments

Good Morning Sunshine & Lace,

Last week I had the occasion to patronize the Gothic Theater to watch Delbert McClinton entertain mostly geezers and old ‘Hippies’ bent on recapturing the quickly evaporating past.  The Gothic Theater is no doubt like many old ‘Art Deco’ theaters built in the 30’s – 40’s either long since torn down or saved as historic landmarks.  The upstairs mezzanine has its own bar in addition to a large bar at the back of the main floor near the entrance.    For those of you born after the Vietnamese “Conflict” Delbert taught John Lennon of Beatles fame how to play a little used instrument today called the harmonica.  After suffering through a couple of warm up acts (Delbert’s kid) that left me ready to pack it in, Delbert’s band was introduced and finally the “house was a rockin’.”  

All focused in closely observing one of the white legends of the blues join his band in a raucous rendition of “Givin’ it up for your love” with a harmonica solo that has been forever his signature.  Chair dancing, head bobbing, and mild shuffling could be observed from any vantage point in the theater.  Our own ‘twinkle toes’ Joe was so taken by the music he hop scotched down the aisle to dance with an old woman who had braced herself against one of the several support pillars on the main floor.  Without warning JJ grabbed her arm believing she’d be thrilled with the chance of cutting a rug with our own Just Joe!  Unfortunately given the number of rotations she’s witnessed it was clear by her smile the mind was willing, but her body could no longer cash the checks and fell to the floor.  When all nearby saw what had happened, they immediately looked to JJ most of them thinking what a dirt-bag he was for pushing an old woman to the ground!  In a panic, JJ instead of helping the woman to her feet, turned away and ducked back into the crowd headed for the bar.  I tell you it was shameful!

I wandered down past JJ’s debacle and got close to the stage.  I couldn’t tell from where I was standing at the bar just how much this legend had aged since last I had the pleasure.  Pushing 70 rotations he still had fire in the belly and gave his all, toweling off every couple of minutes.  But after six or seven songs he announced to the crowd that he was taking a break and would be back ‘shortly.’  His band continued without him, but I paid my $40 to see Delbert yet understood why the breaks were necessary.  This made me sad.  I thought to myself, “WOW….one more reminder of our collective grind toward death…jeez”  In addition to Delbert’s obvious decline you may have watched the Rolling Stones and Tom Petty’s pathetic performances at recent Super Bowl half-times.  I’ve vowed this was to be my last journey to watch aging hero’s of yesteryear’s anthology.  I have enough reminders of my own deterioration and don’t need additional slaps to the face.

Okay, I fully understand that aging will affect my physical and maybe mental state exponentially from here on in.  Yeah I get it.  That said though, I also vow to go kicking and screaming sliding head first into home plate using ALL of the runway!  Most importantly though, I must find a way back to Kona.  Whenever my last breath is scheduled I want to be on a secluded beach and become crab food.

zuki

CUSH SEES PROGENY REDEFINED….zuki falls for vaporizer

May 14

Posted by Marzuki in bastards, Beer, Bigotry, Blathering, brain dead, Can't fix Stupid, Children, Chubby Dancing, Crying, Drunken sloppy, Fat, FOOD, Get on the Bus, Graduate, Hack & Slash, Handicaped people, Hell, Humpty Hump, Ice Sculpture, Knife & Fork, Nipples, Packed & Pressed, Party Animal, Peeping Tom, Puke, Rumors, Shriveled Liver, Sobriety, Teamsters, Technology, Urinal Cakes, Vaporizer | 15 Comments

Good Morning ‘Pinky’ Lifters,

Last weekend was a milestone for Cush and his family.  Cush’s youngest son actually earned his high school diploma, and distinguished himself from his parents and older brother who obtained G.E.D.’s after dropping out of high school.  In the years I’ve known this family, I can’t remember when I’ve seen our Cush so filled with pride.  Typically he’s filled with something else, but last Saturday our boy became the consummate host of a backyard grad party with all the trimmings.  Do you remember ever getting an ‘ice sculpture’ for graduation?  Yes in addition to the ice sculpture (rigged for pouring booze down its length to chill it), there was a ‘corn hole’ beanbag game, four canopies covering tables and chairs for the distinguished guests, pulled pork, 20’ Subway sandwich, music (chainsaw variety), Aunt Myrna in person, half-dozen rug rats, full keg of…..ugh…Bud Lite, vaporizer, and all the accoutrements one could ingest, inhale, or otherwise consume!  It was truly a well thought out affair complete with chronological pictures of baby, child, teen, and graduating son.

My first sense of things turning south, and it seems they always do, was saying hello to ‘Charlie’ Cush’s stepbrother who managed to get blotto’d before a single guest arrived.  He was planted in the porch swing passed out, mouth agape, and a steady flow of drool collecting on his AC – DC T-shirt.  Knowing full well it could only get better, like clockwork Cush descended from nowhere and snagged our expensive bottle of whiskey pouring shots down the ice sculpture for his ex-con stepbrother and the boys from the union hall.  Stranahan’s brought as a gift by JJ and yours truly, thinking the adults would understand how it’s to be enjoyed, were utterly shocked but not surprised by its abuse!  For those non-mountain folk, Stranahan’s is a local Colorado distillery which has been featured on the ‘History’ channel as part of a world tour of the finest spirits.  It’s a blended Whiskey 94 proof and considered a fine ‘sipping’ whiskey. 

The two or three of you still reading this ‘burnt weenie sandwich’ have no doubt attended more cultured and refined soirées, can only try to envision my abject horror when ‘Rodney’ the other stepbrother took his shot and slammed it like cheap Tequila wiping the excess off his chin with his sleeve.  One by one the ‘extra’s’ from old ‘Hee Haw’ episodes followed suit calling it “smoooooth.”  JJ and I looked at each other momentarily and began laughing!  It didn’t matter how many times we admonished them to sip it, the in-bred nature of Jimmy Hoffa disciples did what came natural.  Cush seemed overly fascinated with the pour spouts incased in the ice and kept draining our lovely gift until it was gone. Jeez!

Up until a few weeks ago, I had no idea what a vaporizer was outside of having a bad cold.  The wonder of modern science has crossed over to the dark side making accoutrement consumption more effective with little to zero harshness.  This mainline to the blood stream and its staggering effect was demonstrated by one of our own.  Not one plate, not two plates, not three plates, but four…count em…four plates of food with a big hunk of cake for desert nearly became a full fledged ‘munchies’ emergency.  However, being the grizzled veteran he is, managed NOT to shit himself and buck up but did temporarily list to one side.  Very disturbing.

All in all though the mix of ‘Goth’s, wanna be gangsta’s, and Teamsters infused with grandchildren, Aunt Myrna, and a few maroons made for an interesting afternoon.  The graduate collected a cool grand which surprisingly he put in the bank.  Not bad for the first act of a high school graduate.

Zuki

DEATH IS BANNED!….zuki asks why he wasn’t informed

May 10

Posted by Marzuki in 'Blind' Richard, Arrested, bastards, Beer, Beyond Grave, Blathering, brain dead, Can't fix Stupid, Crying, Darwin Award, Death, Football, Get on the Bus, Hack & Slash, Heaven, Hell, Hypocrisy, Jealous Rage, Judgement Day, Liberals, Murder, Mysteries, Occupy This, Pain, passion, Political Correctness, Rest in Peace, Sackcloth & Ashes, Soccer Assholes, Stupid, Torture, Virgins, Wasted Time | 3 Comments

Hello Diatribe,

If you’re just now logging on this week, Marzuki (my Father) died in his sleep last Tuesday May 8, 2012.  I wanted to pull the plug on the website, but somehow he’s figured out a way to communicate with me to continue posting his little rants.  I’m afraid of what torment he’d subject me to should I refuse so until he’s able to R.I.P. I’ll keep assisting him.  Today’s posting was delivered to me via Morse code!  He tapped on my wall all night!  Here you go:

Good Morning Fixed Position Receivers,

There will be hell to pay!  It’s happening in Italy so it can’t be too far way for the rest of us!  President Obama’s fascination if not total embracement of the socialized style of governments found in the ‘Euro Zone,’ will no doubt be interested in how the little Italian town of Falciano Del Massico deals with a significant problem.  Evidently the local cemetery is full up.  No Vacancy, no room at the Inn, filled to the brim, and overflowing would describe the macabre circumstances enshrouding the aging population of 3,700 residing in Falciano Del Massico.  Somebody had to do something, and do it quickly!  Like any thinking politician, the good mayor demonstrated solid leadership and drafted a local ordinance banning all deaths.  No, I didn’t stutter!  Having just died myself, I wondered what if any repercussions had been put in place to punish those that thumbed their noses at the law and died anyway.  Even with my expanded abilities, this part of the ordinance was missing or in fine print and eluded me.

The locals are adamant and refuse to be buried in the neighboring town of Mondragone.  What I was able to find out is some fourteen or fifteen years ago Del Massico and Mondragone’s respective soccer teams were involved in an epic championship match in Mondragone.  In the middle of a third overtime, Guido Sarducci a local Del Massico hero and superstar was mysteriously shot down on a breakaway that would have ended the game.  Rumor has it Mondragone is a Mafia stronghold so I suspect some serious cash was on the line.  After a 30 minute delay to pronounce Sarducci dead and move his body off the field and onto the sideline, the overtime period resumed.  On the very first play, Mondragone scored ending the game securing their victory!  As one might imagine, the Falciano Del Massicans were outraged and stormed the field brutalizing the Mondragone players and staff alike.  The Mondragonians soon joined the fray and 15 minutes later it was over.  The field was covered in blood with 67 people giving up their lives for a fixed soccer game!  There’s been a blood feud ever since.

It’s easy to understand why the good citizens of Falciano Del Massico refuse to bury their loved ones in the tainted soil of their enemy.  I found the Mayor’s solution to the issue to resemble much of the legislation passed in our fine country.  Our lawmakers adroitly address the problem head on with bluster and bullshit sound bites designed to appease the 99%.  These morons lack the perception necessary to see through it and are the same nitwits pushing for ‘Ebonics’ to become our second language.   For reasons unknown to me these idiots are brain dead, running around yelling “Harrumph” “Harrumph” demanding to be heard yet have nothing to say, inexplicably affecting our national dialog.  Savvy politicians from all parties and walks of life know this and take full advantage.  Tell em what they want to hear Johnny!

zuki lives

May 5

Posted by Marzuki in Acceptance, Angry Bartenders, Art, Bagwan, Beer, Cush, Judgement Day, Karma, Kona, Road Trip, Sobriety, Spring Time | 11 Comments

Good Morning Agents of Good Intentions,

For the two or three of you reading this Pork Loin on a beautiful Saturday morning, you should go ahead and shoot yourselves! 

I thought it only fair and fitting to announce, particularly after all the whining and complaining, that I had a temporary lack of judgment yesterday and drank a lousy canned Bud-Light with Cush.  While no drunken sloppy ugliness ensued, nevertheless I was weak.  I’ve been doing ‘sack cloth and ashes’ all morning to punish myself for this ‘turned to jello’ moment. 

Pile on if you must, I certainly deserve it.  But I think the image says it all don’t you?

zuki

SOBRIETY IS A TOUGH TASK MASTER….zuki looks for humor

May 4

Posted by Marzuki in Acceptance, Angry Bartenders, Art, bastards, Beer, Blues, curmudgeon, Death, Drunken sloppy, Fat, Health Issues, Hell, Hovel, Humpty Hump, Hunker Down, Karma, Left foot, Live Happily Everafter, Nipples, Oath, Pain, Party Animal, Penitent, Puke, Sackcloth & Ashes, Shriveled Liver, Sobriety, Taste Test, Torture, Urinal Cakes, Wasted Time | 6 Comments

Good Morning Children of Jocularity,

I had a restful evening for a change. Sobriety has convinced me I’ve been living in a “cotton box;” nets poised to drop. Drunken perceptions aside, sobriety also reveals ones level of inner strength. To quit smoking was a ‘walk in the park’ compared to being a drunk voluntarily walking away from the bar. Not only is the drug (#1 best friend) legal, it serves us well by delivering a few hours of self-medicated bliss.  Further, our government has provided places in which this legal separation from our senses is facilitated by bartenders and juke boxes!  It’s not just the drug that makes it tough, it’s the social interchange! Think about it, there’s always a ready audience for our respective ‘B’ sides found nowhere else! This of course adds to the degree of difficulty.   It would be far cheaper to buy a bottle as opposed to visiting a bar but in my search for ‘kindred spirits’ I rarely drink alone.  My propensity for like minded curmudgeon-ism offers little room for questioning my outrageous behavior so most times it’s tolerated or worse; emulated.  Self examination is oft times like my conversations with the bathroom mirror telling me I’m not fat. This daily affirmation makes it easy for the party to continue.  Self-exams require objectivity, and suspect it’s in short supply at most establishments.  So be careful with your sessions in the mirror; sobriety will viciously rip away the ‘beer goggles’ and gut you with the truth.

To put this in perspective, if not for my liver being highly distressed I’d still be pounding Vodka Tonics. You may think otherwise, but my reasoning for posting this epistle is actually pure.  I’m not going to admonish or preach to the two or three of you reading this silent fart, rather I want to explain just how difficult it is to walk away from not only the drug but the environment as well.  Whatever reasoning that descends causing you to turn your back on the demon alcohol, you must be prepared to deal with these two individual forces that will entice and weaken your resolve. Since most of my recreational time is divided between the bar, studio, and/or golf course; all self-indulgent behavior, makes me uniquely qualified to comment.  While people differ widely in how alcohol affects their interaction with others, the common denominator is the need for social interplay. You can deny this all you want, but the need to be stomached (in my case) is equal to if not stronger than the need to self-medicate.

The pleasure we derive at being surrounded by others of like-mind particularly at a bar is largely founded on the consumption of adult beverages. We go there to drink. Over the last decade, I’ve enjoyed myself as either the source or recipient of anecdotal stories or jokes I thought amusing. The buzz derived from drinking seems to link everyone to a wavelength that enhances the experience.  To get a good sense of what I’m saying,  I challenge you to visit your favorite establishment stone-cold sober and join in on a conversation with your peers who’ve obviously had a head start and see how zany you think they are.

I enjoy laughing. Laughter is fundamental to most of us and proven to be integral to our mental and physical well being. Without consuming the magic elixir a good joke brings a dis-connect takes place and many of those things I perceived as humorous are now mildly amusing at best!  It’s not that these things aren’t still considered farcical, it’s just that I’m no longer plugged into the shared wavelength that so easily induced a guffaw. I’ve had people comment at my adopted drinking establishment, that they liked me a whole lot better when I drank. I’m sure these independent observations are true, and sometimes I fear I may never laugh again but cling to the hope it’ll get better!

I believe there’s a transition period one must suffer through that eventually allows the B-side of our personalities to come through without the lubricant of elixir.  A cherished friend of mine observed, “zuki you’ve not yet celebrated your sobriety because you’re still grieving the loss.”   Can I have an AMEN?

zuki