MYRTH AND MERRYMENT NEVER GET OLD…..zuki glides by winter doldrums

Good Morning Children of Parlor Tricks, (2007)

I don’t know if it’s a sign of the times, or perhaps it’s just a general malaise that is often associated with winter, but most people I know are walking around uptight with zero sense of humor. Not knowing for sure what we’re collectively dealing with, I can only speculate on how best to mitigate this irritable bowel syndrome we’re facing.

As a public service I’d like to remind the two or three of you reading this tripe how easy it is to change that frown into a smile:

Remember the Whoopee Cushion? Shit, I had hours of hilarity at the expense of my Grandmother. Of course these days, technology has produced a version of this old classic electronically as the sound (and often smell) can be remotely triggered while the device is hidden under a seat.

God, have we forgotten the potential of peanut butter on the inside of a car door handle? This simple trick in addition to a punctured ketchup packet under the toilet seat never fails in getting the desired reaction. Some of our best practical jokes are timeless and often passed down from generation to generation.

Who doesn’t get a laugh watching a trusting child hold a sack hollering “here SNIPE” ….SNIPE SNIPE? It always breaks me up to see someone get squirted by the fake flower and bulb devise. These are pricelessly tried and true jokes still worthy of application.

I can never get enough of the “fool’s errand” series; sending someone to buy stripped paint, water-proof towels, or read-only CD blanks. These are always fun because they’re at someone else’s expense! People c’mon…..expose yourself to an elderly person! Loosen the cap of salt & pepper shakers; rubber chickens (the neck sticking out of one’s zipper) will always get a chortle. Go out and disconnect a battery cable!

If after you’ve tried all of the above and still depressed, pull the chair out from under someone just as they’re sitting down! Oh my God you and your friends will laugh for days about that! Shaving cream or a bowl of warm water applied correctly to unsuspecting sleeping friends will create situations that’ll be discussed for years! Cellophane over the toilet, rubber vomit, rubber fruit, and the classic rubber turd will supply countless opportunities for lightening the moment.

Do “Kick Me” signs ever get stale?

My friends these methods for mirth don’t have to be elaborate or expensive. One must only be creative and decide the best time and place to spring the surprise. I still enjoy the Chinese finger trap; five-year-olds and Cush rarely figure it out!

Remember dear associates we’re only weeks away from spring and its warmth. Why not usher it in with a smile? Now go out and drop a water balloon on a stranger.