Good Morning Revelers, (2007)
When I was 20-something it never occurred to me that my parents had their particular way of partying exclusively to their generation as did I. We had ‘Keggers’ in which many people were in attendance but knew few of them personally. We traded weekend parties with a group of guys I met while an indentured servant in the Army as they lived on the opposite side of town; so it was truly a hodgepodge of characters.
The traditional methodology consisted of the game “Thumper,” ‘nipple clamp uncle,’ beer chugging, and accouterment’s suitable for the occasion. More importantly though, I think what must be universal to all generations is the goal of getting into someone’s pants.
Last weekend I was invited to a birthday party and was impressed by what I found.
In the years I’ve been doing this I have come to know several of the young bartenders on a first name basis and to the best of my knowledge one or two of them actually access this forum from time to time.
As I was finishing my beer and soup, Kellie, my bartender informed me of a birthday party for Jake (her boyfriend) to ensue right after their shift in about an hour. I thanked her but deep down inside knew my presence was really not expected nor wanted by a group of 20-25-year-olds, so I said I’d think about it but probably not.
I never have the opportunity to party with impunity because the gauntlet of sobriety checkpoints or the dreaded burnt out tail light is ever lurking ready to spoil everything with a DUI. I headed out the door on a mission!
As I climbed the half-dozen steps I could tell I was getting noticed. Like the movie ‘Animal House’ a young man quickly stashed his bong while others left the crowded front room to escape out the back. Still, others were frozen in shock as the bash came to a grinding halt.
“Who in the name of Mary Jane is that?” I could almost hear from the stunned boys and girls. I began to introduce myself but my host came from downstairs to assure everyone I wasn’t a cop or someone’s angry father and finished the introduction.
I figured it was up to me to get things started again and asked the nervous young man to retrieve the bong so I could partake. I was given a standing ovation after hitting it deeply and only coughed once at the end. I was immediately accepted (primarily as a novelty item) and the carousel again gained momentum.
I was asked to select some blues I thought most might enjoy; the dog immediately defecated on the carpet. I began to laugh and snicker because the young woman was mortified as if she’d been caught squeezing one off! She quickly cleaned it up blathering apologies and put the mutt outside.
‘Beer Pong,’ Poker, and dancing on the outside deck mixed with laughter kept the place buzzing while several serious philosophical discussions bent on how best we could secure world peace in our time.
As expected though, there were those guests who passed out behind the tree where the dogs took turns in mock sodomy humping their lifeless bodies. This provided a great deal of entertainment to those left standing in addition to those few friends unable to hold their liquor and from a sitting position deliver projectile vomit from the driveway to someone’s hubcaps. What a marvelous night!