AHHHH BACK TO FOOTBALL AT LAST……zuki finds love in mashed potatoes

Good Morning Rabid Ones,

It’s football season…AGAIN. The constant TV screaming, the profanity, semi-gluttonous stuffing of pie holes with pizza, beer, and mashed potatoes usher in the 2017 season. Then one must endure the insufferable self-appointed experts breaking down the game by repeating what they just heard on Sport’s Center!

I’ve really missed it.  But on Sunday I had the occasion to attend the Denver Broncos vs Cowboys game at Mile High.  It was a perfect fall afternoon and hardly a cloud in the sky!  Duncan was driving and as we approached the stadium to locate parking I was reminded why I don’t like going to any event involving 70,000 people puking blue & orange. 

Because of Duncan’s handicap (not the brain damage) we needed to find a place reasonably close.  We passed a lot with seemingly 50 or 60 open ‘Handicap’ spaces but it was blocked off to us! Assholes!  So we drove endlessly looking for parking while avoiding the sea of fanatics dressed in orange holding their #1 foam fingers. 

Adding insult to injury, Cush arrived bleeding profusely out of his eyes as he’d just finished his graveyard shift and had sacrificed a virgin on behalf of his idle ‘Jimmy Hoffa Jr.’

Duncan’s company seats were certainly the best I’ve ever had to watch a professional football game!  30 rows up and split the 50-yard line.  We snagged our favorite adult beverages and settled into our seats excited about the great view. 

I’m not sure how a stadium seat (slightly less room than airline coach seats) is designed, but I’m guessing it’s based on an average of 180 lb person.  That ship sailed for all of us some 40 years ago!  It was like sitting in the middle seat on an airline between Andre the Giant and Oprah!  But the game was a blowout for our beloved Broncos so it made it all bearable.

All in all it was a very fine experience and grateful for Duncan’s kind invitation.  I realize the two or three of you still reading this bag of gas will think I’m an unappreciative nebulizer and I’m honestly not complaining, but I don’t think I’m cut out for making such a trek again.  Way too much humanity! I think I’ll try TV screaming next week.