Good Morning Bedizens of Sine Die,
As I once again dabble in the tedium that is on-line dating, this weekend may have been the strangest ‘Plenty of Fish’ dates yet. For the two or three of you reading this scapegrace and questioning the veracity of the story I’m about to unfold, I swear it to be true! As our President would tell us; “Believe me.”
For anyone that has accessed an on-line dating service will tell you, it takes time and energy to work it right! Hundreds of profiles and dated (my age bracket anyways) photos must be reviewed. Each would-be date must be contacted using a clever line you hope sets you apart from your rivals. Then when one of the potential date’s replies one must follow up until a meeting is scheduled or not.
I met Gloria a week ago today but had several phone conversations prior to our meeting. I found her to be delightful and funny. We seemed to hit it off quite well as we engaged in lively repartee.’ We immediately made a date for last Saturday evening. I euphemistically referred to our date as ‘wine, weed, and Lebowski’ promising her she’d laugh her ass off.
In my enthusiasm for Saturday’s soiree’ I suggested we meet Friday for drinks someplace close to her. We met up and continued from where we left off Monday. Sampling an ‘edible’ and a couple glasses of wine we eventually moved the party to her house.
A bottle of wine and pre-roll later we both were shamefully drunk but I was invited to stay the night. It’s a good thing because it would have been a long Uber ride. We began watching a movie, but we were all over each other ‘tongues’ going everywhere and it was clear we’d end up in her bed.
I never know for sure, but felt reasonably satisfied Gloria had two orgasms—as we both collapsed in a deep sleep.
FAST FORWARD TO SATURDAY’S MAIN EVENT…
Unbeknownst to me, Gloria was swept away in guilt and ashamed of her behavior the night before. She swore to God as well as herself she’d not repeat the previous night of debauchery! I brought the movie, wine, and weed anticipating bettering Friday’s awkward first-time sexual encounter.
What I found instead is Gloria dressed in a black pant outfit that only revealed her face while holding me at arm’s length. When I went in for a kiss all I got was her stiffened pursed lips issuing me an abbreviated dry kiss.
Sitting in separate chairs while watching the movie, I encouraged her to put her legs on my lap and offered to rub her feet. Most people enjoy a good foot massage but Gloria recoiled when I reached for her toes indicating that she hated it when someone touches her feet. Jeez. Shortly thereafter she asked me to leave which by this time I was happy to oblige.
I’m not sure why crazy women are attracted to me but finding out would make a fantastic graduate thesis! Outside my ex-wife every woman I meet is crazy! Is it possible the crazy comes from me? Naaaa..