Good Morning Schadenfreudes,
I can’t remember exactly when things changed, but the original purpose of this our humble forum was to provide a morning anecdote about something droll or amusing. As I examine this unfortunate transition, it’s clear the lampoon has been sharpened.
But of late there’s been many examples where the subject was bludgeoned as opposed to a quick thrust through the chest. When did this happen? Who is responsible? Is it too late to change?
What makes this easy is that crazy is never too far away which of course facilitates eye-witness accounts. Occasionally I get private messages that explain how mean and nasty I was to them. Even though they knew the story was fiction, they felt hurt even betrayed!
I can’t do this to people anymore; particularly to my aging curmudgeon friends and associates. I’m not sure how, but I intend to change the direction of this forum. Platitudes aside, I want to discuss positive and wonderful things. I’ll utilize topics that are uplifting or inspirational; topics that urge people at large to be more selfless, but more importantly stories that don’t tear anyone down. I intend to seek these GOOD things out and highlight them seeking a conclave of sorts.
Having offered albeit mandated, help to the Denver Rescue Mission, I do have some idea as to a course of action. To force-feed a homeless person usually takes more than one person so bring along someone that shares your commitment. Also make sure to snag a carton of cheap cigarettes, because under the viaduct as it is in prison, cigarettes are currency. You should also carry a pint of ‘‘Old Grand Dad’s’’ to use as a ‘bait.’ Throw in a couple of old coats with a bit of life left in them and now you’re ready to help the homeless enjoy a lovely Thanksgiving.
Within a few minutes, they will walk toward the bottle thinking they’ve been truly blessed. Keep pulling the bottle toward you until you’ve drawn them around the corner and into place. Your partner takes them out at the knees while you pin them down and sit on their chest. You won’t have much time so start shoving a turkey leg into their mouths caring they don’t bite you God forbid. Use the cigarettes and whiskey as dessert so they chew the food properly and eat their vegetables.
They may be a little traumatized by the ordeal, and will probably vomit up your kind offerings, but you will have done something good by caring for others. I encourage you to follow the above instructions and make someone’s holiday one to remember. Cheers.