GIRD UP YOUR LOINS BROTHERN…team zuki has already won

GolfGood Morning Elders of Boffo,

On the eve of the biggest day of the year, reverence and humility envelop my thoughts. My company’s annual golf tournament has become bigger than Christmas Day! My team has won two of the last three, and it’s driven the others to behave badly. All week I’ve received thinly disguised threats that make it clear to me there WILL be a tar and feathering should fate smile on us again.

I live for the chance to explain to my competition how unfortunate it was for them, and we were just plain lucky while accepting our cash prize. My humble acceptance speech is dripping with mock sincerity and it’s never lost on the 70 losers embittered by their experience.

All the trash talk is over. I suspect every one of them will be at a driving range today in a futile effort to eliminate the little hitch that plagues their swing, or practice a Tiger Woods tip read in Golf Digest. I’ve gotten to them, I see it in their eyes, and they know they’ve lost before it begins.

Stay tuned to ‘my precious’ as there’ll be an announcement soon.