Good Morning Purveyors of Magniloquence,
I trust this posting finds you with spirits lifted and batteries charged! I say that only because I once again manned the control center at the Denver Rescue Mission. I suppose I could elaborate but hell I’m paying penance and supposed to suffer, so I’ll spare you the sordid details.
Nevertheless as stated many times before, this forum has an obligation to chronicle the lame and often times moronic behavior of those that stumble or sink into the morass of “life’s rich pageant.” Fortunately one never has to look too far for shining examples as the two or three of you reading this fiddle fuddle no doubt understand.
I’m always conflicted when I have to decry the lunacy of one of our own. Contrary to what many of you think I get no pleasure from being the messenger and often times weep (my chin is quivering now) because it pains me so. I think it important to put this accounting in its proper context because we’re all going to experience a ‘senior’ moment sooner or later.
I can personally attest that aging allows us a glimpse into the future. The look down the road no longer represents a remote distant occurrence with little relevance. No sir! It’s the beginning of the end. Front and center people! One’s life can now be measured in finite terms. It’s certainly not the end of the world, but one can sure see it from here!
One of my associates at Blondie’s who because of his job rarely attends committee meetings and misses important decisions and activities that is the governess of “Curmudgeon Corner.” He’s a good natured guy and means well which is important in our little niche. We often come up short, but most of us mean well. He has an infectious guffaw that always makes me laugh so I continually joke or tease him because of how easily he’s amused.
He’s a truck driver and owns one of those over-sized dual-tire-gonna run you down pick up trucks and has an un-natural affection toward it. He’s actually hung an exaggerated set of testicles from the rear axle for all those driving behind him to see swinging to and fro. I suppose the message he intends is tantamount to saying “hey people I’m one bad ass son of a bitch!” I also suspect this is merely compensation for being brow beaten by his ex-wife, but “that’s like….my opinion man.”
I was sitting at the bar last week watching the Warriors trample the Cavs and noticed my good friend had uncharacteristically become silent. By the time we reached the fourth quarter my associate seemed to be succumbing to gravity as the alcohol (boiler makers) was facilitating his journey toward horizontal. Being the curmudgeon he is though I was proud to see him fighting it off as he ordered a Bourbon and Coke indicating the caffeine would save him.
As Steph Curry nailed another ‘3’ I looked over just in time to witness what has to be considered the most bizarre miss on record. My good friend raised his glass while transfixed on the game to sip his poison. Unaware of the two straws that had been there since being served the drink, he continued the motion toward his mouth. His progress came to an abrupt halt as the two straws entered his nostrils perfectly and became lodged in the back of his olfactory’s! He immediately noticed his predicament and lowered the glass. Unfortunately the two straws remained in place looking very much like John “Bluto” Belushi in Dean Wormer’s office with two pencils up his nose!
I fell off my stool!! I haven’t laughed that hard in decades!! Our good friend staggered out of the door embarrassed and probably too drunk to be driving! Please, if you run into our truck driving friend, please tell him its okay, just some harmless fun at his expense. Please come back we miss him.