DUELING SNOBS AT TEN PACES……zuki arrested for brawling

nerd-fighting-biker-bar-28922453Good Morning Addicts of Atticism,

Taken from ArtForum….”Gareth Harris reports in the Art Newspaper that the artist Luc Tuymans, who had previously been convicted of plagiarism over a painting he made based on a photograph by Katrijn Van Giel, has reached an out-of-court settlement with the photographer. The exact terms of the settlement are confidential but a joint statement from the two described it as “amicable,” saying that they have decided “to settle their dispute, as artists and in an artistic way, rather than to allow it to be settled in a court of law.”

I wouldn’t normally even care about the above except to say ALL artists have stolen! They’ve taken anything from a slight nuance to scraping the artist’s signature off and putting their own over it. This repeats an ongoing theme since the first petroglyph was etched on the cave wall! Having said that, it’s not why I’m interested.

The Artforum account of this donnybrook tried to put a spin on it indicating the two handled their differences with civility and maturity. I happen to know a sometimes reliable source that told me the two artists settled it with an old fashioned school yard brawl! God I wish I could have personally witnessed the fist fight between two snobs at odds over imagery…what a treat. This was rare. I know very well you’ve secretly fantasized about beating another artist to a pulp…C’mon you know you have.

A painter versus a photographer (photographer is a woman) has to be a match made for ‘pay per view!’ Hell I’d cough up $35 to watch a sissy and a woman flail their little arms wind milling until one accidently hit the other in the face. “Ohhh time out…time out….” he screams while holding his hardly scratched face turning his back on the photographer tears streaming like rivulets. The photographer immediately begins crying with some sort of weird sympathy pains and tries to comfort the painter. Unbeknownst to the photographer the painter had regained his composure and executed a crude spin move clocking the homely woman in a back handed blow to the temple; sending her to the ground like a sack of cement.

Both artists were bleeding from the nose and the photographer was holding a handkerchief over her bottom lip split from the fall. Thinking he had the upper hand now the painter with just a touch of arrogance asks, “You had enough pretty baby?” The photographer thought about it momentarily then with all the strength contained in her fleshy arm punched the painter in the stomach dropping him to one knee gasping for air. Standing over the painter she quietly inquires, “No…have you?”

Both artists had ever been in a fist fight before, and the adrenalin sapped what little strength left to them leaving both sucking air with hands on knees. It was painfully clear they no longer wanted anymore of each other, and finally decided to release the phony press release indicating they were going to settle it in an “artistic way.” Let me know how it’s settled will you?

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m walking over to the studio next to mine and punch the S.O.B. senseless!