BAGWAN FEIGNS UNDERSTANDING……zuki wears sensible shoes

checking inGood Morning Estivators,

As you may have already surmised our very own Bagwan has agreed to be “hoisted by his own petard” and communicate with we the unwashed.  Having read his theories it’s clear he’s abandoned objectivity for a lance through your well intended host’s heart.  Please be warned….should you decide to read Mrs. Doubtfire’s account of things it may cause a sever case of flatulence….please enjoy:


 

What I gathered from Zuki’s most recent post is that a life of quiet desperation beats the hell out of a trip to Clearwater Beach, Florida during spring break. We haven’t been able to total all the damages yet because 5 of the credit card receipts were rendered illegible due to rum stains. All Zuki knows for sure is that when he tried to buy some Altoids mango sours down at the 7-11, the clerk confiscated his credit card.

I commented previously under this vacation post of his that his money was better spent here in Denver on legal marijuana and illegal hookers. His reply was a weak, “it seemed like a good idea at the time.” Implicit in that reply is that he actually thought this out, but history tells us that this was more likely a wild hair from his nether regions than a well thought out plan.

I don’t want any of this to be construed as criticism, because that certainly wasn’t my intention. I’m just as likely as he is to fall victim to the allure of perceived greener pastures. But when you step back from it for a moment it does make you wonder. Both Florida and Colorado have tourism as a huge source of revenue. You can’t help but wonder how many Floridians were in our State over Easter weekend while Zuki was down in theirs. And, horror of horrors, were any of them sitting on Zuki’s private stool at Blondie’s in his absence?

As I age I have developed a great deal more respect for the Law of Inertia. “A body at rest tends to stay at rest.” If you have any doubt about that come by Blondie’s some evening and set up a time-lapse camera — you’ll be amazed.

There is another school of thought that you just have to stay in motion. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. I have heard that sharks have to stay in constant motion or they will die and I know that some women fear the same dire consequence if they stop talking; but it is perfectly okay for a 65 year old man to do nothing – in fact it is mandatory at times. He can be relaxing, meditating or just contemplating his navel.

There are any number of TV commercials for those dating services for “mature adults.” The one I have in mind shows a very attractive couple in their late 50’s where they go riding off on his Harley. She talks about how she knows what she wants and when she wants it and now that they are together they never have an idle moment. I wonder what all of their exes think as they are lying on the couch watching that commercial. There is always an ex somewhere with an unflattering opinion.  It was Dan Jenkins of “Semi-Tough” fame who wrote that the next time you think you are so in love that you must marry some gorgeous, hard-bellied debutante; just remember that someplace, somewhere there is a guy who hates both her and her mother.

Dan Jenkins is well past his prime but some of his stuff still holds up as funny even 30+ years later. From his book “Baja Oklahoma” he lists the 10 stages of drunkenness:

  1. Witty and Charming
    2. Rich and Powerful
    3. Benevolent
    4. Clairvoyant
    5. Fuck Dinner
    6. Patriotic
    7. Crank up the Enola Gay
    8. Witty and Charming, Part II
    9. Invisible
    10. Bulletproof

Bagwan

 

  • zuki

    Dan Jenkins is 85 and suspect he can still move….not very fast…..but moving. At 65 rotations my movement tends to be circuitous does that count?

    • bagwan1

      Zuki’s final movement.