goat for dinnerGood Morning Bovine Aficionados,

It seems there are NO limits to what man will do for sexual gratification.  I think most of us have heard the twisted stories of men putting their penises in vacuum cleaners, pool filters, shop vacs, gopher holes, and any other entry point with potential for ‘getting off.’  Well we can now add one more orifice to the list; drop calves.  Yes, it’s true.  I read an article detailing a police officer’s day in court:

“During a bizarre hearing there yesterday, a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton last year, claiming a grand jury couldn’t infer whether the cows had been “tormented” or “puzzled” by the situation or even irritated that they’d been duped out of a meal.”

You can’t make this up!!

Tormented or puzzled?  That’s one hell of a defense and perhaps the best way to thwart PETA’s idiotic viewpoints.  If one chokes a chicken, or chases a goldfish with a pencil do the animals get irritated?  Cruelty to animal’s charges has just been handed their defense on the proverbial silver platter!  It’s open season on goats, sheep, as well as all other beloved farmyard animals.  When will it end?  Who’ll stop the madness?  If it becomes that easy to satisfy those urges, go ahead and lock up the livestock and be prepared to defend the honor of your animals with the business end of a shotgun!

While I’m not opposed to hooking a trout from time to time, unlike Cush I don’t consider my would-be meal as a sex object.  Given the fight most fish put up while being reeled in, I think it’s safe to assume THEY ARE ‘tormented’ and perhaps a bit ‘irritated,’ thank God fish don’t scream.

In these days of “Global Warming” now referred to as “Climate Change” I think it’s important one is able to at the very least, conduct themselves with dignity as well as those we intend to romance.  I’d like to believe the two or three of you reading this suppository would agree.

I was relieved but not surprised to discover that one of our own has set an example for the rest of us.  Suffice it to say our associate is an animal lover and consumes ‘mass quantities’ of beer.  I heard from a reasonably reliable source that our good friend took a goat to dinner last evening using the outside patio to accommodate his lovely (Capra aegagrus hircus).

Our good friend was overheard calling the scantily dressed goat ‘puddin cup’ more than once while noshing on a head of lettuce.  After several bottles of wine and a dozen Coor’s Lights much to the collective shock and horror of the other dining patrons, they left together w/goat on a leash.  I can only imagine what ensued because our fellow ‘rules committee’ member refused to be interviewed.

While I have no official word from God on this but I’m pretty sure he/she frowns on this sort of thing, but I’ll ask.  Meanwhile should any of you be tempted to impose yourselves on farm animals, please seek council from the Bagwan as his experience transcends sucking Bovidae.



  • zuki

    I dunno I think I’ve been alone much too often…..jeez

  • bagwan1

    “Chasing goldfish with a pencil” — what is wrong with you?