BAGWAN SNIFFS ZUKI’s PROSTATE…..smells of lavender while singing ‘moonriver’

Prostate-Exams-and-Cancer-Screening-1The Bagwan has graciously donated some of his time to write an accounting of my prostate gland.  He’s also considers this a “Public Health” warning to those of us sitting on our prostates drinking to excess.  God bless him…..enjoy

I always thought it was death and taxes that were inevitable. As a proud member of the 47%ers I don’t pay diddly-squat in taxes. As far as death goes when I look at the quality of life of some of my elderly friends I would simply ask Death, “What the fuck are you waiting for?”

I was watching this movie the other day and one guy is explaining to the other how 60 has become the new 50 and 70 has become the new 60. The other fella asks, “What about 80?” “No, 80 is still 80.” — ain’t that the truth. There is no extended warranty.

Which brings me to what I think are the two new “inevitables” which would be prostate cancer and Alzheimer’s.  If you are old enough Doctors are very reassuring about prostate cancer. “Don’t worry about it, something else will kill you first.”

Anyway, now that they got rid of Joe Theismann, I finally listened to one of those commercials for the Super Beta Prostate pills. Here are the questions they say to ask yourself:

    #1 — Am I urinating more frequently during the day?

    #2 — Do I wake up at night to urinate?

    #3 — When I urinate, do I empty my bladder completely?

    #4 — Is my romantic life suffering?

    #5 — Do I also keep a lookout for where the nearest bathroom is?

I put these questions to Zuki as a quiz and I think his answers are more revealing than the finger up the ass exam (although, no question which test he prefers).

His answer to #1 was a shoulder shrug. He tried a little harder on #3 but he wanted to know if after the fact dribbling counts as emptying your bladder.

Here are the two Zuki answers we need to focus on:

  • (#4) YES, my romantic life is suffering
  • (#2) NO, I don’t wake up at night to urinate but I suspect it would be more sanitary if I did.

I don’t know if Super Beta Prostate or even Joe Theismann could help Zuki’s romantic life, but I’ll bet that waking up before you start urinating could add some charm to a sleep over.

That’s all we have to cover on the prostate today and I thank you all for your attention.

… it seems like there was something else we were going to talk about, but I can’t remember what it was.

BAGWAN

  • zuki

    Is it that obvious? I haven’t shit for three days and it’s quickly becoming an emergency! I called Suzie’s but the phone was disconnected….miss those pancakes….ate 3 exlax chocolates and half a pound of prunes I figure I better be sitting on the crapper by 10:00 am this morning. If you still want to watch you should no doubt cover yourself with that plastic drop cloth your so fond of.or simply enjoy that fresh scent…..

  • bagwan1

    Is it just me or does Zuki seem a little more irritable than usual this morning? As a quasi-medical professional I’m not really bound by any rules of confidentiality but maybe I should have been a little more sensitive to his need for privacy.
    More likely than not his colon just seized on him again and a quick trip to Suzie’s High Colonic and Pancake House would have him back to his old affable self in no time.

  • zuki

    I’m so glad the Bagged one went to pre-med as he’s offered his finger (not to pull it) to both adults and children alike simply to educate. That’s what he says but afterward he’s saved a 100 pair latex gloves for his collection. jeez