TURTLE RALLIES COMMUNITY….suspect fled for life

It could happen!

Well for shit’s sake!  As if things weren’t bad enough in today’s politically correct, tree hugging, helmet wearing, soccer loving, global warming, vegetable eating, carbon foot printed, nipple clamped, condom wearing, Obama loving, sea kitten touting, PETA donating, nanny state voting, panty wearing son of a bitch we now have to face flying Turtles!

Some asshole duct taped a Box Turtle to helium balloons and set him adrift.  The poor critter got hung up in a tree.  My hell how could this happen in America!  A hysterical woman sobbed, “The ‘poor’ animal just kept moving its little arms and legs trying to escape his nightmare.”   Finally in a code 3 siren blaring arrival the fire truck skidded to a stop.

My God man the authorities are going house to house with torches and pitch forks looking to lynch somebody!  When it was all said and done the City of Oceanside, CA will have spent $100K tilting at this PETA inspired windmill!  It’s no friggin wonder California is bankrupt!