TWICE A WEEK IS ALL WE ASK…..diatribe seeks talent

Good Morning Jerry Springer Wherever You Are,

The misgivings and uncertainty surrounding this our humble website have all but relegated the ‘Diatribe’ to the fiction pile or worse.  It’s not the current issues and hard hitting journalism that was my intent, but has somehow morphed into a ‘National Enquirer’ filled with speculation if not outright lies.  Jerry Springer is unapologetic regarding his staged programming and has made a fortune in trailer park drama!  He’s a genius in my book.  The copy-cat shows that followed are of the same low rent, low brow, toothless red necked, and mind numbing stupidity as Jerry’s show only without the obligatory fight.  Opra (old show), Maury, Dr. Phil, Judge Judy, and even Steve Wilkos (Springer’s former enforcer) Show have all to some degree adopted a ‘watch the train wreck’ formula that make up much of day time television.  I’m not sure what this says about us collectively as Americans, but if the “shoe fits………”

In thinking how we could make the ‘Diatribe’ better, I immediately remembered something my mother often said to me, “Honey, you’ll never know until you ask?”  It’s a simple axiom, yet in my business I’ve met dozens of men and women that never ask; always wondering why they can’t close.  So in the spirit of my sainted mother, I’m going to ask:  WHAT CAN WE DO TO MAKE THE DIATRIBE MORE INTERESTING?

I emphasized WE in that there is a core group of contributors as well as 200 of you that read this “kidney stone” at least once per week.  I average around 3 postings per week some good others not so much, and given my current schedule I can’t see doing more than that.  So logging on weekly will keep most readers up to date.  What I’m asking of you are suggestions for features (copied or original) that would encourage you to log on daily?  Here’s a few ideas I’ve been kicking around so if you can improve upon or add to the list I beg you to do so.


1.   Daily Cartoon (copied or original)

2.   Quote of the Day (living or dead)

3.   Pic of the Day (bizarre or macabre)

4.   Political Correctness Gone Haywire

5.   Daily Affirmation

6.   Contemporary Art

7.   Animals (Calm down Cush)

8.   Hollywood things

9.   Strongly written Obituaries

10.  Favorite Song (mp3)


Obviously it would be impossible to maintain 10 separate subjects on a daily basis, but I can see picking a certain day aligned with one of the features so there’s seven daily features that rotate.  I realize that even if the above is accomplished, and I’ve not consulted my I.T. guy yet, it doesn’t guarantee the once per week reader will log on more often, but at least the temptation to do so would be in place.  Maybe twice per week!

Once the rotation is set, I expect all of you to send content.  From the weekly categories there should be at least one or two that interest you.  So the next time you find yourself alone getting your ‘freak’ on…. write, cut & paste, copy, or transcribe your content and send it to me for unedited posting.


  • fez

    Zuki we here at accounts receivable would like to participate with interoffice things as well as downtown Chicago events or news.  What do you think, “Adventures in Accounting”?

  • zuki

    It’s obvious the Bagged One is confused.  As time continues to march along it’s clear his cognitive reasoning skills have diminished.  I apologize, I will try and put this in a form discernible even for the infirm.  Here we go… I’ve already collected a dozen or so categories for daily features and will continue to collect them eventually selecting the best seven; hopefully authored by the person suggesting the feature.  Meanwhile my I.T. guy has given the green light so the ball rests in our collective court.  For example, I’m counting on the ‘Bagwan’ to do a weekly feature called “Bagwan’s Bag of Bile” embittered accounts of has-beens, TV personalities, former associates, and “what-have-you’s” in his characteristic acidic style written or otherwise.  Each week’s effort will be archived for the amusement and edification of the two or three actually reading this bunion.  

    Simply email your work, pics, video’s, and/or mp3 files to me for posting.  Hopefully the Bagster was able to grasp this before the warm milk sets him adrift.

    • Bagwan

      I still don’t understand.

  • Just JOE

    SO… ZUKI’s site vamp comes off half-baked?
    Isn,t that better that his normally ALL-faked?
    ZUKI’s got a good Plan
    But it requires a good man
    Calling BOI Wonder!… this Plan’s glitches need slaked!

  • Bagwan

    So how is this new format supposed to work? Will there separate headings where we can download (or upload or is it reload) our contributions? Since you haven’t spoken with IT yet this all seems a little — half-baked shall we say. Are we spit balling here, throwing shit against the wall to see if it sticks, running stuff up the flag pole to see if anyone salutes. One thing I know for sure we are not doing is “brain” storming.

  • Just JOE

    AND… SO… ZUKI begs for your content
    BUT… YOU won’t be happy till HE’s content
    He desires more traffic
    He’ll even go graphic
    AND… NOW… ALL on 3… “ZUKI get bent!”

  • Bagwan

    #10 is favorite song, so trying to keep in tune (puns should be #11) with the new rules, I will share something I learned this weekend about Zuki’s favorite song. Francis Scott Key not only wrote the “Star Spangled Banner” but he also wrote “Tiny Dancer” performed by Elton John.

    I see that #1 is a cartoon but I don’t see jokes anywhere on the list. so I am going to make “Jokes” #17:
    How is a tornado like an Arkansas divorce?
    Answer — someone is going to lose a mobile home.