BLIND LEADING THE BLIND….zuki finds a “pointy stick”

Good Morning Gnostics,

Like a scene from an “Indiana Jones” episode the ‘Blind Students League’ descended upon Blondie’s attacking all patrons large and small; men and women alike.  The “Big Dog” as usual looked to be in charge but it was difficult to tell as they kept stumbling over each other lacking normal sight-spacial judgment of course.  “Big Dog” was a name applied by our own JJ in that he always had a girl with him and appeared to be ‘looked up to.’  I’ve always thought how liberating that must be to really not know what your partner looks like reducing the equation to just personality.

In a sweeping pincer movement, they locked arms and used their ‘tapping’ sticks as weapons flailing them wildly screaming “EAT SHIT AND DIE BLONDIE’S!!!” hoping to strike a blow.  They managed to encircle the poker players causing most of them to lose their normally stoic repose.  That alone was worth the hassle.  The ‘Big Dog’ found his way to the juke box ripping the power cord out so hard the actual wall plate came with it!  There didn’t seem to be any obvious reason for the attack rather only violence as many patrons headed for the door.  Evidently this was anticipated as one of the largest of the blind occupiers was guarding the door blocking our retreat.  Ultimately though, this proved futile as people began tapping him on the shoulder, then when he’d turn to face the person they’d run around him and out the door without a hitch.  Highly agitated, the door guard also began to flail his stick ‘blindly’ hoping to catch someone in the head!

While the melee lasted less than a minute or two the damage to both bar and human kind was shocking.  Most tables and chairs were overturned with many of them damaged beyond repair.  However most of our attackers finally lost steam given their collective frustrations were absorbed by the violence and now slumped on the floor sitting against the wall sobbing with apparent regret.  The “BSL” casualties were primarily lacerations to the face from running into solid objects while most patrons got out without a scratch snickering at how absurd it all was.  I suspect the more serious wounds were of an emotional nature as one sightless female ‘occupier’ laid on her back, face swollen with cuts and bruises; her little fists still clenched in rage.  I looked at her really not knowing what to feel but her seething level of hate made me curious.  I thought “What in the hell did we do at Blondie’s that would cause the ‘BSL’ to organize this sort of raid?”  Police sirens could be heard so there wasn’t much time.  I walked over to the young women and sat on the floor next to her and then in a calm voice asked her what had caused such violent emotions.  Her reply surprised me to say the least.  

The Littlewood S.W.A.T. Team arrived with sirens blaring dressed in full combat gear and surrounded the building.  I could barely hear the young woman’s confession and encouraged her to get to the point.  As she spoke her body shook from rage, tears flowing down her cheeks mixing with the blood of her cuts.  It made her wounds look worse than they were.  Guns drawn the COPS rushed in and began the process of arresting the entire ‘BSL’ who at this point cooperated and one by one were loaded aboard the paddy wagon. The story was a bit fuzzy so you’ll have to bear with me.

As I understand the set of circumstances leading up to the attack, it appears it stemmed from an unfortunate incident last November in which one of their own in an act of poor timing walked into Blondie’s during a band’s effort to promote a ‘chubby dancing’ contest.  The poor kid was embarrassed by the insensitive laughing and taunting……”What’s the matter idiot, are you blind?”  He refused to accept help from the two or three trying to calm him down as he was having none of it.  He clamored his way around like a “bull in a china shop” going from one dead end to another.  He finally let our fine bartender Dawn guide him to the door where he left in an extreme huff!  I was there and saw everything.  Outside of those insisting he was deserving of taunting, the entire incident couldn’t have been helped.  All there felt bad, but the kid didn’t want help nor did he want to speak with anyone, he just wanted to get the f—k out!  

I think it’s just sad that ‘Big Dog’ and his blind minions didn’t approach us for our side of the story before subjecting themselves to pain, arrest, and payment for damages.  It’s clear to this observer that even the blind still have something to see!


  • zuki

    There is a condition worse than blindness, and that is, seeing something that isn’t there.—Thomas Hardy

    • Bagwan

      I would have sworn that was Laurel and not Hardy who said that. They were not actually Zuki’s favorite duo — that would be Siegfried and Roy. Zuki used to be very proud of himself for being the only one amongst us who knew which one was which.

      • zuki

        No need for a Bagwan out of your ass for this one….Roy was missing an arm!  Or was it Siegfried?

  • Just JOE

    Upon BLONDIE’s the Blind Hoard descended
    Avenging one of their own… who’d been offended
    Blind BIG Dog led Blind
    Repaying Sighted in kind
    Preventable… if only ZUKI the Blind had befriended!

  • zuki

    I apologize.  In my haste to defend myself I almost forgot to mention Lebowski Fest Milwaukee is coming up soon.  Details can be found on their website. 

  • zuki

    Well…well….well.  Hater of the handicapped?  Kindly Philthy Phil?  Pulling seats out from under blind people?  Both fez and the Bagged One will go to hell for character assassination.  In my own defense I’ll say this:  I treat the blind and handicapped the same way I treat everyone….like shit! 

  • Bagwan

    I have it from an EXTREMELY good source that Zuki has been less than honest about the scene with him down on the floor next to the young woman calmly asking why did this happen. He was in fact down on the floor, but he was groping her and the only question he was asking was, “Do you love me.”
    Those who are regular readers of the Diatribe will recognize that this is just one more disturbing incident in a pattern of sick behavior directed at the disabled by the anti-Mother Theresa. If you had the stomach for it you could go back into the archives and find a previous story about how Dawn had to force Zuki to give up his barstool to a blind patron. Of course after finally being coerced into doing the right thing and moving to accommodate the poor man, Zuki pulled the stool out from under him as he sitting down.
    Sometime remind me to tell you about some of the horrible things Zuki used to do to “Philthy Phil,” the kindly wheelchair-bound patron of the now defunct Deweys.

    • fez

      My God man!  I always felt Zuki hated the handicapped.  As the only person willing to speak for accounts receivable we’re horribly offended and would love to hear more detail regarding Zuki’s inability to cope with geeks and the spasmodic. 

      • Bagwan

        fez, my theory is that this anger stems from him being afflicted with a spastic colon. There is no special treatment for the spastic colon sufferers. When Zuki’s colon seizes on him, he doesn’t get to use the wider stall in the men’s room. He doesn’t qualify for a disabled parking tag or get to use ramps instead of stairs. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard him scream out, “Where’s my fucking disability check” and then double over in pain clutching his abdomen.

        I tried to organize a telethon for the spastic colon but found I was just too busy with my other telethon for yeast infections — even a Bagwan can only do so much.