DEATH IS BANNED!….zuki asks why he wasn’t informed

Hello Diatribe,

If you’re just now logging on this week, Marzuki (my Father) died in his sleep last Tuesday May 8, 2012.  I wanted to pull the plug on the website, but somehow he’s figured out a way to communicate with me to continue posting his little rants.  I’m afraid of what torment he’d subject me to should I refuse so until he’s able to R.I.P. I’ll keep assisting him.  Today’s posting was delivered to me via Morse code!  He tapped on my wall all night!  Here you go:

Good Morning Fixed Position Receivers,

There will be hell to pay!  It’s happening in Italy so it can’t be too far way for the rest of us!  President Obama’s fascination if not total embracement of the socialized style of governments found in the ‘Euro Zone,’ will no doubt be interested in how the little Italian town of Falciano Del Massico deals with a significant problem.  Evidently the local cemetery is full up.  No Vacancy, no room at the Inn, filled to the brim, and overflowing would describe the macabre circumstances enshrouding the aging population of 3,700 residing in Falciano Del Massico.  Somebody had to do something, and do it quickly!  Like any thinking politician, the good mayor demonstrated solid leadership and drafted a local ordinance banning all deaths.  No, I didn’t stutter!  Having just died myself, I wondered what if any repercussions had been put in place to punish those that thumbed their noses at the law and died anyway.  Even with my expanded abilities, this part of the ordinance was missing or in fine print and eluded me.

The locals are adamant and refuse to be buried in the neighboring town of Mondragone.  What I was able to find out is some fourteen or fifteen years ago Del Massico and Mondragone’s respective soccer teams were involved in an epic championship match in Mondragone.  In the middle of a third overtime, Guido Sarducci a local Del Massico hero and superstar was mysteriously shot down on a breakaway that would have ended the game.  Rumor has it Mondragone is a Mafia stronghold so I suspect some serious cash was on the line.  After a 30 minute delay to pronounce Sarducci dead and move his body off the field and onto the sideline, the overtime period resumed.  On the very first play, Mondragone scored ending the game securing their victory!  As one might imagine, the Falciano Del Massicans were outraged and stormed the field brutalizing the Mondragone players and staff alike.  The Mondragonians soon joined the fray and 15 minutes later it was over.  The field was covered in blood with 67 people giving up their lives for a fixed soccer game!  There’s been a blood feud ever since.

It’s easy to understand why the good citizens of Falciano Del Massico refuse to bury their loved ones in the tainted soil of their enemy.  I found the Mayor’s solution to the issue to resemble much of the legislation passed in our fine country.  Our lawmakers adroitly address the problem head on with bluster and bullshit sound bites designed to appease the 99%.  These morons lack the perception necessary to see through it and are the same nitwits pushing for ‘Ebonics’ to become our second language.   For reasons unknown to me these idiots are brain dead, running around yelling “Harrumph” “Harrumph” demanding to be heard yet have nothing to say, inexplicably affecting our national dialog.  Savvy politicians from all parties and walks of life know this and take full advantage.  Tell em what they want to hear Johnny!

zuki lives

  • Bagwan

    I was reading something this weekend which was about a group of people employed to disrupt an election in Kansas City early in the Pendergast era.
    I have never heard, read or thought of a more apt description of Curmudgeon Corner in my life.
    I just hope that sometime this week I will be able to remember it.

  • Bagwan

    One more song that makes me feel better than Joey Bossa Nova


  • Just JOE

    These feuding cities remind MOI of US politics
    Where BOTH of our Parties are comprised of dicks
    They’re ALL bags of gas
    And no Bills do they pass
    It’s high time to discard what won’t fix!