“WHAT A WORLD…WHAT A WORLD”….zuki chooses sobriety

Good Morning Aphotic Dwellers,

Evidently even as pathetic as my part in life’s rich pageant is, I’ve chosen to add to this hell voluntarily.  It’s funny how things manifest themselves.  I had a wonderful week filled with professional and personal highs, dated a beautiful woman, witnessed the genius of Joe Bonamassa, and drank myself to oblivion each night! WOW F-ING WEE!  With the exception of hitting Powerball, it couldn’t possibly get any better could it?  That said, In my sixty plus rotations I’ve learned mostly the hard way that the other shoe will always drop snuffing out whatever joy and happiness I’ve managed to snag.  It’s probably my left shoe. 

There’s a local TV station here in Denver that has organized and sponsors a “Health Fair” every April the past 15 years or so.  They offer all manner of testing and consulting for very reasonable fees and use medical volunteers to draw blood etc…  I’ve not felt up to par of late, and decided to take advantage of the health fair and went in for a blood work up to see if there was anything that needed attention.  I suspected as much and the diagnostics served up the brutal truth.  My liver looks like the one they removed from David Crosby (Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young fame).  The good news is my PSA levels were lovely with no sign of prostate cancer.  The doctor indicated out of the 35 tests run, 4 of them came back with bad news all pointing to my liver as being seriously distressed.  Shit.

PLATELET COUNT IS LOW 115 – normal is 140-400 thous/mcl – not much can be done about this other than to fix what ails you.  If one has an unhealthy heart, kidney, or liver the count will be low.  Medical professionals use this as an indicator of the overall health of a patient.

GGT TEST:  153.  Normal range is 3 – 70 U/L  This test is to look for Cirrhosis, Hepatitis, and other liver diseases.  If you do the math my count is more than double the high side of the normal range!  Gad Zooks!

AST (SGOT):  60Normal range is 10 – 35 U/L  This test specifically targets the liver indicating damage.  Again my count nearly doubles the high side of normal.

TRIGLYCERIDES:  272  Normal is 150 MG/DL  They represent the level of fat in the blood and continued high levels often lead to diabetes.  However, in nearly all cases with high levels of Triglycerides heavy drinking is involved.

I had announced and actually stopped drinking in 2005.  It was far more difficult than when I quit smoking!  Not only do you fight the addiction to alcohol, what I missed most was the social interchange and gamesmanship at the bar.  So I convinced myself I would walk into the bar and order a diet coke or ‘near’ beer but instead discovered being sober around a bunch of drunk’s sucks!  Most times they think they’re funny, honestly they really do, and suppose I was no different… no..no..that’s not true, I really was funny!  Anyway I suspect drinking large amounts of Diet Coke would be just as bad for you so my trips to the bar became infrequent.  But when I retested 5 months later all counts were back to the normal range.  The doctor told me if I had to drink stick with red wine.  I adhered to his advice for a time but eventually went back to Vodka drinking mostly doubles and triples.

So once again I’m engaged in the painful act of sobriety.  Going on day 4 I expect it will go a bit smoother than seven years ago given my art studio, but know for a fact I’ll become irritable and snippy.  I’m apologizing in advance.

Happy Trails,


  • Just JOE

    Our HOST’s Team Trivia caused Dewster’s to close
    TT then (now ZUKI-less) delivered more fatal blows
    ZUKI’s got to RE-dry
    Without Trivia?… Oh, My!
    Can abstenence throes beget finer “Art” throws?  

  • Bagwan

    It is nice to hear from Tammy again. I am surprised we haven’t heard from the angel lady. She usually shows up the five or six times a year when Zuki announces he is turning over a new leaf. Maybe the angels finally told her that even they have limits.

  • zuki

    Tammy!  So nice of you to drop in.  I’m touched by your well wishes and willingness to make exceptions.  I suppose you quit taking your medication again.  Don’t worry, when you pull your head out of your considerable ass the “cotton box” awaits you where you’ll be able to resume mundification of your cavernous snatch.  Happy Mothers day. 

  • Tammy

    Ha mrzuki it seems to me you got what you deserve! Normally I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but will make an exception in your case. Enjoy your sobriety.

  • Bagwan

    I think there are a number of people involved. Madcow, Dv Ant, Griz, Elivis, Tex, Touched, Phat Ass and we can’t ever forget Just Joe and my favorite guy of the whole experience was Dan the Bartender.
    And wasn’t Jerry called Pooh?

    • zuki

      Yes, the flock has meandered; drifting aimlessly since your heroic efforts. Unfortunately these personal epiphanies tend to wear off. Whether we break the deals made with God, or simply dismiss it, relegating the spiritual experience to the ‘weak moment’ file, they’ve defiled and set adrift your teachings. If Jerry checks in from time to time, he would have cringed by your reference to Pooh as opposed to Poo. He’s all about excrement.

      • Bagwan

        Is that song “Ooh Poo Pah Doo” about him?

        • zuki

          To be honest I didn’t remember the song.  But after hearing it the memories came pouring in and now remember he played at your homecoming….how did you ever find that?

  • fez

    Zuki, we in accounts receivable wish you our collective condolences er, I mean sympathies for your condition. Listening to Bagwan’s suggested Willie Nelson song immediately brought to mind: isn’t that how Zuki got into his current situation? I lost a dear Uncle to cirrhosis of the liver, but the man could drink.

    • Bagwan

      fez, while I occasionally practice medicine, I haven’t actually fulfilled all the technical requirements — like attend medical school. 

    • zuki

      Thanks fez, condolences may be the proper word after all.  Yes I can attest to the Bagwan’s medical skills. Although a bit unorthodox, the “Shaman’s Guide to Surgery” is heavy reading for most. Not our Bagwan though, he managed using local herbs and roots found only here in the Rockies, to “…lead us not into temptation, but delivered us from evil…” Everyone was relieved of course, except for Cush. He snorted his little bag of herbs & roots then bitched about being ripped off. Teamsters! Waddya gonna do?

  • Bagwan

    In the words of Willie Nelson:
    There’s a lot of doctors tell meThat I’d better start slowing it downBut there’s more old drunks than there are old doctorsSo I guess we’d better have another round
    Listen to George and Willie sing these words of wisdom:

  • Just JOE

    Herr Doktor has ordered:  “ZUKI, haltenzee drinking!”
    “It will also fix my Wealth’s health!”  ZUKI is thinking
    But… It’s Gamorrah out there!
    And… There’s BOOZE EVERYWHERE!
    “Other than that… How was the Play, Mrs. Lincoln?”