Good Morning Demotic Commuters,
Never one to hold anything back, today’s chapter of life’s rich pageant is a doozy. After scrapping the windows I climbed in the old Camry and headed east. The brisk air filled my lungs and given it was Friday I had an extra spring in my step! As I always do I headed south on I-25 accelerating to blend with traffic when I heard a disturbing sound. It’s one of those sounds you just know will be expensive and no doubt bring misfortune. The sound became deafening as I approached Orchard and decided to pull off when all hell broke loose. BAM! Fappita fappita fappita…….then metal on asphalt–the right rear tire exploded nearly throwing me into the retaining wall. I was spared certain death only by my expert driving skills. Jacking it up and fetching the lug nuts I was ready to pull the destroyed rim off but found I couldn’t. I kicked, pulled, and beat it with the lug wrench but still couldn’t budge it. As if on cue I began swearing raising my fist to the heavens asking if this was all God had “C’mon I can take it” I shrieked pounding my chest. He/She never answers my prayers (even sincere honest ones) but wouldn’t you know it this time God delivered on my request. I had left the keys in the ignition and of course it was locked. When I pulled on the driver’s side door handle it immediately broke off…… AGAIN!! I was truly so aggravated I considered stepping in front of the next speeding car. It actually felt good to smash the rear passenger window with the lug wrench so I could snag my keys; almost cathartic. Stained and angry I stormed down the off ramp in a huff muttering to myself so God wouldn’t hear and found the Double Tree Hotel to clean up and find some help.
Thankfully, I found someone willing to answer their phone at 6:30 AM so within an hour of my misfortune I was on my way to work less $65. Ironically the repair guy asked me about the window and said, “Wow too bad we’re equipped to handle that” giving me a look I’d give to a fellow moron. It cost me $230 to replace the window I smashed in anger! Stupid….stupid…..stupid! When you add the $180 it will cost to replace the two rear tires not including taxes, the entire morning will add up to about $475! Just when I thought hunkering down was behind me, I get high jacked again. I suppose I can chalk it up to my ongoing lesson in humility. Can I have an Amen?