2001 W. Littlewood Ave.
Littlewood, CO 80123
Dear Mr. Zuki:
Perhaps you have heard of me and my nationwide campaign in the cause of temperance. Each year for the past fourteen, I have made a tour of Florida and Southern Georgia, including Indiana, Iowa and Illinois and delivered a series of lectures on the evils of drinking. On this tour I have been accompanied by my young friend and assistant, Clyde Lindstrom. Clyde, a young man of good family and excellent background is a pathetic example of a life ruined by excessive indulgence in whiskey and wild women.
Clyde would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform wheezing and staring at the audience through bleary, bloodshot eyes. Sweating profusely, picking his nose, passing gas and making obscene gestures, while I would point him out as an example of what over indulgence can do to a person.
Last fall, unfortunately, Clyde died. Our mutual friend, Just Jackwagon, has given me your name and I wonder if you would be available to take Clyde’s place on my 2011 tour.
Yours in faith,
Reverend Elton Jones
The Rescue Mission