Get Your Virgins While They Last

In Chinese legend, tea leaves picked by fairies using not their hands but just their mouths yielded brewed tea that would bring prosperity and cure diseases, and now the historic, picturesque Jiuhua Mountain Tea Plantation (in Gushi, Henan province) has promised to hire up to 10 female virgins to provide the equivalently pure and delicate tea leaves, picked with the teeth and dropped into small baskets worn around the women’s necks. According to an May report in London’s Daily Mail, only virgins with strong necks and lips (and a bra size of C-cup or larger), and without visible scars or blemishes, will be considered for the equivalent-$80-a-day jobs (an almost unheard-of salary in China, especially for agricultural field work). [Daily Mail, 5-21-2011]

Submitted by Ada

  • Bagwan

    This is great — Uncle Fester calls Zuki a boorish hack and Zuki respond with, well yeah. We are all back on track Anthony Weiner has resigned, JJ is back on the road and someone needs to play the next card

  • zuki

    Well well well……’s good to see the festered one grace our humble forum once again.  Being a hack is still better than being a thief! – a bad theif at that!  Steal from someone besides George Carlin as we’re all very familiar with his work.

  • Only OHLAFF

    True… JJ fulfills ALL requirements (No Mas = Virginity) assuming gender of said Virgin not an issue.

    • Bagwan

      fez is here and festering boil, I’ll bet that even Tammy comes back once her vagina reaches equilibrium. The exciting thing to me is that JJ-Jackwagon-OO is building a travelogue and maybe even the beginnings of a life.
      I am not even just saying — I am just jealous.

  • festeringboil

    Zuki I sort of like your new format as you’re primarily a hack and had become boorish.  In reference to the current topic I’d like to say, fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

  • fez

    Not having met the late Jackwagon I must assume the Bagwan is exaggerating (sp?).  According to the woman in question I had a virgin last weekend.  Not much to write about, but I think she was lying.

  • Bagwan

    This aggression will not stand — actually it is not aggression so much as discrimination. These Chinamen think that they are only going to hire female virgins, well I think NOT. I have retained Gloria Allred to stand up for the rights of our very own strong necked virgin, the Jackwagon. He has the neck and the lips and there will be no question on the cup size — we will prevail.

    • Anonymous

       Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

  • zuki

    What is it with ‘Virgins’?  What’s the big deal?  72 virgins for suicide bombers, the Virgin Mary, Virgin Olive Oil, Virgin Records, and the ever popular ‘Virgin on the half-shell’ from Botticelli.  I’m telling you purity is way overrated and contend any virgin with a strong neck and lips is in fact NOT a virgin!!