Good Morning Chagrined and Truckled,

Heaven forbid we keep our caustic remarks to ourselves!  For those who’ve found us again and capable of maintaining a reasonable disposition welcome home.  I’d like to take this opportunity to bring the two or three of you reading this canorous eulogy up to date.  If you’ve been even a partial reader of this my humble forum you’re keenly aware  that I’m a lover of peace & quiet seldom involved in screaming and with all my heart try to help those less fortunate.  I need to explain my latest vindication!  The shameful misrepresentation I endured regarding blind people was just plain wrong and everyone knows that.  I know what you’re thinking, “zuki we understand you’re an asshole so why keep beating this dead horse?” 

 I’m hip. 

Well last night at Blondie’s the bartender who accused me of denigrating the blind was forced to wait on a table of 6 tapping sightless folks.  At times they meandered about the bar running into surprised patrons while tapping wildly looking for the bathroom.  If I was blind and drank pitchers of beer I’d invest in some kind of ‘trucker’s friend’ draining system!  Just because one is blind does not excuse rudeness or wielding a cane like a saber. 

We have a very strict if not austere bartender who typically runs a tight ship. Because I fear for my life or worse, expectorants in my drink, will refer to her as “Mommy Dearest” or simply ‘mommy.’  In her efforts to corral and serve our visionless friends, poor mommy had to keep one eye on the bar which by-the-way is a full time job and the other for wayward tappers.  When help finally arrived mommy asked if they wouldn’t mind taking over the ‘eyeless’ table so she can better work the bar.  I was a bit surprised to see her legitimate request refused or at best ignored which of course exacerbated the situation.

Mommy was fuming and most of us at the bar were trying to stay out of her way not adding fuel to the fire.  Having said this though, I couldn’t help but think of the night she accused me of bad behavior toward the unseeing and what an awful person I was!  My urge to say something began to overtake my sense of fear and began to mumble little snippets referencing her obvious displeasure but didn’t overtly accuse her of hypocrisy.  When she’d come by to refill our glasses she quietly acknowledged my smart-assed futzing around and seemed to understand the irony of the situation giving us a wry smile.

When at last the groping party of six adjourned, mommy made it a point to get in my face.  Trying not to laugh she screamed, “Okay okay okay….I UNDERSTAND….I apologize…..I judged you much too fast!”  This made my day.  I think there’s a lesson here somewhere but not sure exactly what it is.  “Walking a mile in someone’s shoes” comes to mind, but thinks it goes well beyond that.  Philthy Phil who as many of you know is bound to a wheel chair thought nothing of rolling in and befoul our bar with the stench of urine making most eyes water.  Admittedly I have no conception of what his malady entails but nonetheless does not excuse ruining the experience of others.  After a bit of tough love he finally started showing up in clean clothes and fresh ‘Depends.’

Handicapped or not everyone should extend enough civility to share an enclosed space!  I’m just sayn…


  • Anonymous

    While the association remains loose at best, but all in all I’d say everyone has shored up the loose ends and have a practical chance at leaving only minor skidmarks. I thought your Henry Higgins reference to be spot on however Philthy Phil is no Eliza Doolittle who didn’t shit herself nor does she fall over in wheel chairs; hence my transformation was far more difficult. I’m just sayn…..

  • Bagwan

    I think I understand now. Your cruel comments about Phil’s hygiene were merely self-improvement tips. It appears that we have a regular Henry Higgins in out midst. Well Professor tell us about your progress with the social graces of JJ, DV ANT and Poo — maybe we can all get together for high tea at the Brown Palace one afternoon.

  • Anonymous

    Dear Holy Fucker,

    While it’s obvious to most that you hide behind this facade of self-directed holiness ironically using it to lambaste or otherwise tear down. Philthy Phil is the prime example of teaching a lesson to someone who thinks their in this case urin doesn’t stink. He’s much better off and as socially acceptable as possible thanks to my efforts. I assume from your thoughtless remarks like the other sheep you’d have just sat there in silence thouroughly disgusted. Mommy (and I’m not saying it was Dawn) did acknowledge her hasty rush to judge. Now go ahead and give yourself a swirly!

  • Bagwan

    We are all aware of Zuki’s abuse of the disabled because of he way he treated Philthy Phil back in the Deweys days. So those of us who had seen him in action were not surprised that he was at it once again, only this time with the blind. While I originally thought it was sad and pathetic that he wanted Dawn to sanction this sick behavior, I now see this need as just plain bizarre. He simply will not let this thing die and has even taken to referring to Dawn as “Mommy.” You don’t need a degree in psychology to interpret the meaning of that.

    Look Zuki, all of us who know you well are willing to turn a blind eye (no pun intended) to your self-absorbed and callous disregard for you fellow man. No one expects you to surrender you barstool just to help out a blind guy, but please spare us this crap that “Mommy” not only forgives you but actually embraces your behavior as righteous. Only in your dreams did MamaDawn say: “Okay okay okay….I UNDERSTAND….I apologize…..I judged you much too fast!”

    I think if we could get Mommy to give you a good spanking perhaps we could all move on.

  • zuki

    As always it was nice to hear from Tammy and share in his/her kindnesses. It’s our hope and I think I can speak for the rest of us that she will be needing a white cane then mauled by her seeing eye dog!


    This TRUE incident did, indeed, vindicate Our Host… and follows one of MOI favorite Life-Laws: “All’s well that ends!”
    JJ even got in the act the very next day when he pretended he was blind (not much of a stretch, really) and forced said bartender to first position his pint and then inform his hands of its exact whereabouts… A hale and hearty laugh was had by ALL!
    Kid you, kid you very much.