DISASTER AND DOOM PENDING…..rotted feet point the way

Good Morning Feet of Lavender,

I’ve sensed “a disturbance in the universe.”  I haven’t been able to pinpoint exactly what it is, but given my innate ability to judge ‘others’ combined with ongoing foot order I’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities.  First, I get a feeling something big even life changing big is about to happen to one of our own.  Unfortunately when I have these premonitions it’s never an open and shut case, rather more of a generalized feeling of dread or joy toward a group.   Secondly, given the stench of rotting feet I’ve determined Poo is likely to be the target of this disturbance.  I take no pleasure in forecasting the ugly trauma heading Poo’s way, but his 20 year battle with ‘trench foot’ indicates a certain lack of hygiene and there’s no mistaking the smell.  I make this announcement purely out of concern for ‘curmudgeon corner’ as lately my premonitions have been a bit off.  It’s going to happen to one of our own, but there are a few others that struggle with putrid feet so I’m giving Poo a 70% chance it’s him so those of you (and you know who you are) that continue to struggle with this malady, please stay alert.

While he’s missed the last 65 committee meetings the general consensus among those that still attend, is he’s holding out for a paid ‘chair’ position.  While a dubious honor to be sure, nobody has ever been ‘chair’ of the ‘Rules Committee’ and this is the first time since Griz tried to buy the position that anyone has actively sought it!  Traditionally this in of itself will need a simple majority just to be debated, and lately we’ve had trouble forming a proper quorum.  So the likelihood of even having a ‘Chairperson’ let alone a paid one is remote at best. 

I tried using Easter weekend to channel Margo and her band of angels to better ascertain what exactly is to take place.  Unfortunately I was distracted by pool playing weasels bent on hustling drinks.  Margo if you’re still reading this ‘eight-ball’ and have any feelings toward although filthy, one of God’s least favorite children, please step up and let this forum know.  It may save his miserable life.

For those of you that have made it this far I’m humbled by your perseverance.  Predicting things is a slippery-slope in that either nothing happens or the terror and catastrophe is directed at somebody unexpected or unknown to me.  This was the case when the 9.0 quake and subsequent tsunami hit northern Japan.  I knew something disastrous was about to happen, but felt strongly about warning the Canadian Actors Guild instead.  They were rehearsing a reenactment of the 1845 riots that resulted in burning down the Canadian Parliament building in Montreal while members were still inside!  However while wrong, the reenactment did close after two performances!     

zuki

  • Just JACKWAGON

    “Titillating”?… looks more like c-illating to me!!!

  • Zuki

    Okay for now, but in my defense the picture illustrated and reinforced the text. While your choice of pics was gratuitous at best; posted only to shock and sicken. I may not eat for hours!!

    • Bagwan

      You are correct sir. I don’t even remember what I typed for the image search but I was looking for the most disgusting thing I could find in response to your Richard Speck tit posting. While I accomplished my purpose of disgusting you I ended up with an unintended consequence of titillating the Jackwagon.

  • Zuki

    fez I know you and Dv’ant got off on the wrong foot and all, but I think you’re wrong about him not lasting in prison. Not only would he take over the kitchen creating world-class meals out of pork rinds, but given his physical make up I suspect he’ll be sought after and protected! I’m just sayn….

    • Bagwan

      You are one sick fuck. Posting pictures of Richard Speck’s tits doesn’t make any of us better.

      • Zuki

        OMG!! I just lost my breakfast of raisens and softboiled eggs!!! Please never do this again!

        • Bagwan

          I think your picture is just as disgusting as mine. Sure the girl could stand to lose 5 to 10 poinds but who couldn’t
          Let’s have a truce.

  • fez

    If flatulence is a crime then I’m afraid most of us will be joining mr cow. From what I know of dvant he wouldn’t last long enough to wear out his jump suit.

  • Bagwan

    I am worried about the Madcow in prison. He is sensitive, he is not tough as say a Martha Stewart. Plus with his fine delicate features he is likely to attract attention from the wrong sort. Although, the sex isn’t likely to be any rougher than what he has been having for the last few years.

    I wonder if we could get DV ANT sent up with him. Is public flatulence a crime?

  • Anonymous

    Madcow has a fighting chance! The primary witness is a grainy video, but the Mall is holding out for ‘Enquirer’ money so there’s a bit of ‘tom foolery!’ to be cleared up.

  • Bagwan

    We are all innocent until proved guilty but it is hard to look at that sketch and deny that it is the Madcow. Touched had even told me that she had just recently bought a little bell for him to wear around his neck.
    Let’s just all hold a good thought and pray for the very best.

  • Zuki

    Nice try Madcow…..Nobody fucks with the composite sketch artist and gets away!!!!!

  • Bagwan

    This just in: the suspect in the Southwest Plaza bomb has been arrested in Boulder. The Boulder police said the sketch of the suspect was instrumental in his capture.

    Click on image to enlarge

  • Madcow

    I believe Madcow has left Denver and is now in the Chicago area. I agree with Bagwan in that a reward is on its way.

  • Bagwan

    Here is a little more information about the bombing suspect from today’s Denver Post:

    “He has used at least seven aliases, including variations of the names Earl Albert Buchanan, Donald Charles Morelli and Gary Madcow Steele, according to state arrest records

    Earl Albert Moore has been identified as a suspect in the attempted bombing at Southwest Plaza Mall on April 20, 2011. (FBI – Denver)state arrest records.”

    Anyone with information should call the police tip line, 303-271-5615

    I don’t think we do anything until they offer a reward

  • Zuki

    Woooohhhh….I heard from ‘Touched’ during Saturday’s committee meeting. It seems Madcow was involved with somebody swapping license plates obviously up to no good! Perhaps there’s something to this….I’ll make a couple of phone calls

    • Bagwan

      Nice picture of the couple during their happier days.

  • Bagwan

    STOP THE PRESSES!! We had a situation last week when an older guy was caught on surveillance tape planting a bomb at Southwest Plaza. Details are starting to leak out about the suspect but the one that caught my eye was this from today’s Denver Post:

    “Denver County court records show the owners of The Pines apartments near Quincy Avenue and South Sheridan Boulevard filed in court to evict Moore and a female relative for failure to pay rent. Moore had lived in the apartment for about four years, according to public record searches.”

    Aren’t those the very apartments where up until recently our very own Madcow and Touched cohabited and didn’t he used to tell everyone that she was his cousin and didn’t he have a stolen credit card with the name Moore on it?

  • Just JACKWAGON

    I’d say it sounds like The Bagged ONE has been taking some plays off… I have known him to be nothing but the finest, most complete and consistent, obnoxious a-hole I have ever had the displeasure of meeting… sooooo, if, indeed, his latest efforts have been sub-par… it is my opinion that he is withholding his prodigious a-hole-ness from us ON PURPOSE.

    i can only speculate that his reason for doing so has something to do with either the normal conservation/aging process whereby he is saving his wanning incivility for some far more important audience (his family, perhaps)… OR… HE HAS SIMPLY LOST A STEP OR FIVE!!!

    Goad you, goad you very much.

  • Zuki

    Listen to me you overpaid ruminator we had an agreement! You are to be an obnoxious incendiary posing as a holy man. A couple of jokes (not too bad either) and “foot fetish!” That’s it? If I wasn’t such a nice guy I’d sue you for breach of contract. No contract you say? I do have the conversation recorded and will post it should you continue down this road!

  • Bagwan

    It has come to my attention that some of my comments have hurt Zuki’s feelings. For that I apologize but in the spirit of today, I accept no responsibility. You see Zuki has asked me to play the role of the antagonist here and to do it as an obnoxious asshole. Well that is such a stretch for me that I just haven’t been able to pull it off.

    So in an effort to head in a different direction let me share with you a couple of jokes I heard this weekend in the movie “Mr. Saturday Night” starring Billy Crystal. It was a free movie available on “On Demand” and it was worth about what I paid for it.
    Anyway first joke: Guy goes to the doctor and says “Doc I got 5 penises.” The Doctor says “How do your pants fit you”?
    The guy says “like a glove.”
    Second joke: Guy is at the doctor and the doctor says, “I got good news and bad news, which you want first”? The guy says “give me the good news.” The Doc says, “you got 24 hours to live.” The guy says jeez that’s the good news, what’s the bad news? The doctor says “I forgot to call you yesterday.”

    In an effort to say something on today’s topic let me say it does not surprise me that Zuki is talking about feet. You see he has a foot fetish. He even wrote a whole book about it: “Getting off on the Right Foot.”