BLINDED BY THE LIGHT……zuki discovers blind people

Good Morning Pliers of Things,

 In keeping with a longstanding tradition, this forum has again been nominated to receive the prestigious “Webby Award.”  Last year’s competition was brutal.  Look I’m up against professionals that get paid to create and work with a real budget.  I’m not going to make excuses but just know I’m competing with the likes of MGX Labs who did the “Make it Right” campaign to rebuild New Orleans after ‘Katrina’ and Manifest Communications that authored the “Renew the World” series that in my opinion is cast from the same mold as “Sea Kittens!”  Given I know nothing of building web sites; it’s not likely I’ll win.  Not that there was anything special design wise, rather it’s the social cause or politically correct content that carries the most weight. 

 I thought about this while under the influence of wine and accoutrements.  Of course I had to read then re-read the material as I continually drifted off, but not surprisingly discovered the ‘Diatribe’ has little if any redeeming social commentary.  I have to admit I was a little surprised there wasn’t more, but if I’m to have any chance at a “Webby” I will be forced to actually embrace a social point of view.  I felt it important to reveal my motivation for the two or three of you reading this bedaubing menace as not to shock or surprise you when it appears.

 The next major undertaking was to find a socially driven windmill to tilt at.  I’ve been struggling with this because up until now everything was all about me and didn’t give a damn about the plight of others.  My justification for this mind-set comes from years of living under the viaduct struggling with Maslow’s first couple of levels.  Damn it I have my own problems!  Yet I must push aside this selfishness and lose myself in the life issues of those less fortunate.  The experts tell us to write about what we know, but outside of work, IRS, failing health and the occasional four hour erection all I know is about drinking.  As dubious as it sounds, I think there’s a way to turn this into a ’cause celeb’ making a real difference in someone’s life.  Not too long ago you may recall the grief I took about snubbing blind people at the bar.  While this single incident was exaggerated beyond belief, it’s now the basis for the new and socially aware Zuki.

It’s clear that blind people like many others enjoy getting out hoisting a glass or two sharing their hopes and dreams with other blind people.  Why not help them with a for profit organization that schedules trips to participating establishments within walking distance of the light rail.  Not only will I help them negotiate new locations, but will join them in conversation (optional) delighting them with colorful anecdotes and bawdy jokes greatly enhancing their evening on the town.  The web site would take care of scheduling; transportation if necessary, menus, drink prices, and an emergency number in case they wander off and get lost.  I know what you’re thinking, “Zuki are you f-ing lame?  These people are blind—how are they going to read and deploy your services?”   I’m hip.   This can be accomplished with simple marketing and creative ad spots.  Without a long drawn out explanation, all blind people have friends, relatives, associates, and other willing sighted people committed to help and will buy gift certificates to be used for birthdays, special occasions, or simply to run away and get hammered!

While there’s still a few bugs to work through I believe the concept is solid and could easily be franchised across our great land.  I’ll be looking for a bit of ‘seed’ money to get started and counting on a few of you (and you know who you are) to step up.  This is a sure winner; so please “avoid disappointment and future regret;” contact me for a prospectus.

 zuki

  • zUki

    JJ be patient we’re working on a number of things, but there’s nothing that can be done with how you look…so relax Mr no mas

  • I made a few tweaks this morning… Everything should work now… I will take any feedback you have… That doesn’t mean I will do anything with it though…

  • Just JACKWAGON

    NEW AND IMPROVED?… GOOD GOD, MAN, WHERE ARE THE FILTERING CAPABILITIES?… AND WHY AREN’T THEY WORKING?… ZUKI AND THE BAGGED ONE ARE BOTH ON THE NEW SITE?!?!

  • ZUKI: “Your lack of faith is disturbing” and given all these recent claims of foresightedness I’m very hurt and disappointed.

  • Bagwan on March 29 2011 20:31:29
    I am betraying a confidence, but I think you all should know that this whole scam is revealed in a white paper Zuki wrote”
    “Making Change — How Does a Blind Guy Know if it is a 5 or a 20?”
    #2 | zUki on March 30 2011 05:17:50
    Deer in headlights Baggette:

    It’s 5 am and I read this cynical reference to my past! Good God man I admitted to prior indiscretions with the sightless but want to reverse this behavior. This is a legitimate effort to do the right thing and would appreciate your cooperation!
    #3 | Bagwan on March 30 2011 07:14:18
    A warning sign for people being offered the opportunity to be delighted by Zuki’s “colorful anecdotes”
    [img]http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef0133edd66ad9970b-320wi[/img]
    #4 | Bagwan on March 30 2011 07:16:59
    Let me try again

    #5 | fez on March 30 2011 08:46:29
    I believe in second chances zuki go ahead and send me a prospectus. Just a word about scams. my brother is a successful attorney
    #6 | zuKI on March 30 2011 13:39:15
    Mr fez:

    Your prospectus was sent out an hour ago. Please disregard the handwritten notes on the margins as they’ve all been initialed and dated. I appreciate your faith! However, once you’ve been worked over by JJ’s thugs….opps I mean legal team it’s hard for me to be intimidated by rank amateurs
    #7 | Just JACKWAGON on March 31 2011 07:16:40
    Now… let’s see if I have this right… you want us to invest in an enterprise that essentially charges poor, helpless blind people outrageously exorbitant (allegedly) fees to be escorted to various and sundry Littlewood drinking establishments (presumably in on the scam) by a morally blind stranger (accent on “strange” whereupon ALL involved become MORE BLIND?!?!?!
    Pass MOI, pass MOI very much.