Good Morning Masters of Thimblerig,

It’s lousy what they’ve done. I can’t believe we, a group of reasonably bright and accomplished adults couldn’t achieve more. Yet there I was smack dab in the middle of it helpless to contribute! I can’t count the number of times we’ve addressed this issue here at the ‘Diatribe’ yet the number of instances continues to grow. Where’s the justice? Who’s to blame? How do we fix it? How much will it cost? These are only a few of the questions demanding answers.

Given the recent frigid temperatures here in Denver, I was walking at a brisk pace (for me anyway) seeking shelter at Blonde’s. As I approached the end of the breezeway about ready to turn the corner, I ran directly into JJ headed the other way! The experience was like running headlong into a giant ball of Jell-O!! The ironic part of this collision was the fact JJ (Mr. ‘No Mas’) had a young attractive woman I guess to be in her mid-thirties hanging on his arm. After I helped the Jackwagon to his feet, I asked him to introduce me to his “lady friend” to which he replied “Mind your own business” and tried to go around me. I was not going to let this go without a proper introduction and blocked his escape again asking to be introduced. Rolling his eyes he knew he had to come up with something or I’d have followed him to the sleazy cheap motel he was no doubt planning to visit. Resigned, he introduced me to this lovely woman as his Niece who was in town for a few days. Being suspicious I asked for a bit of genealogy knowing JJ was not above puffery and got the expected ahh, ummm, well, until he finally came up with a lame story about a disowned second cousin. Pushing me aside Mr. Wagon screamed “It’s F-ing cold Zuki now leave me alone” and proceeded to the waiting Jeep.

Nearly frostbitten I watched until he drove out of sight. “What the hell is he up to” I thought, but shrugged it off and began to imbibe. It was a lively crowd and the bartender gave me $10 to feed the jukebox so we were rockin.’ After a couple of hours I called it quits and began my way home. However, this time I headed south on Broadway which is not my usual route but needed to secure a bottle of Pinot Noir. Almost to the ‘Liquor Barn’ I couldn’t help but notice several police cars; lights flashing in the small parking lot of the “Lucky U Motel.” I slowed to see about the commotion but wasn’t prepared for what I saw.

Nipples hardened, there was our very own Just JACKWAGON walking down the stairs with just a towel that given his body shape most resembled a loin cloth rather than a towel being escorted down two flights of stairs and into the Englewood Police squad car. Evidently JJ’s ‘Niece’ promised to perform various tawdry acts you wouldn’t normally expect from a family member and tied him down. Before our hero could say “no mas” she robbed him and left with his clothes. His screaming finally got the manager to pull herself away from Dr. Phil and was able to rescue the ‘Wagon’

Don’t bother trying to contact JJ; he’s not returning calls.


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