Good Morning Men of Retribution,
Over the years I’ve been privy to a number of callow acts of retaliation for both unknown and witnessed acts of malice. We’ve all heard about ‘Frank the Shank’ and his explosion. Do you remember the slashing of John Taylor’s tires? How about Dv’ant’s chewing tobacco? Although the act of revenge was fairly minor in nature directed at our very own Gigem, it does reveal his propensity for fizzle. Then there was Griz’s unwelcome invite to his own intervention which still has many of us scratching our heads. How about Madcow’s many attempts to throw his woman out resulting only in giving the house keys to her? In thinking about writing this piece I had to include the episode of ‘Cush’ and the castration of his late truck. These collective acts of fruitlessness demonstrate what fucking amateurs we are when it comes to delivering reprisals.
I read about an incident involving a professor in California Link who evidently has been in a long standing feud with another professor in the Math Department. While there was no indication as to what the issues were, professor Petrov has made it his life’s work to regularly urinate on his rival’s office door. NOW THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT!! The victim of Petrov’s fluidities finally complained to school authorities given the stench and a surveillance camera was installed eventually catching the good professor in the act. It’s too bad those of us left at ‘Curmudgeon Corner’ can’t come up with something that simple and direct. Instead we are subject to moron’s tearing off bathroom doors. Shameful.
I think at this stage in life’s rich pageant, and I think I can speak for the two or three of you reading this enervated act of futility, we have enough “pay-back” on our collective lists to clog Dv’ant’s toilet. Let’s don’t let bygones be bygones and move on, no I tell you NO! Let’s make an oath to no longer ‘rage against the machine’ by placing boogers under your adversary’s chair, rather let’s exact our collective “Pound of flesh” with imaginative straight forward acts of vengeance that we can look back on during the challenging years ahead that will place a big fat smile on our faces.
I don’t want to cause undo violence toward those assholes who’ve slighted us years and years ago, because unless the offending party knows why they’re being singled out, and who is subjecting them to the pain, it seems to me the whole effort is in vain. If I’m able to hang around for a few more rotations, I trust this little talk will pay dividends. C’mon you languid sissy’s let’s be men for a change and no longer tolerate being pushed around.
Not only is it justified, but the act itself is cathartic! I for one am plotting the most creative spectacular act of revenge ever and have never felt so energized. Please join me.