Good Morning Dick Clark Wherever You Are,
As we motor in the New Year and again face reality, I couldn’t help but think about this year’s ‘ball-drop’ in New York City. 81 year old Dick Clark and perhaps the next Dick Clark played by Ryan Seacrest embraced in an ‘air-kiss’ like manner, and helped us usher in 2011. I know he’s suffered a stroke and has difficulty with slurred speech which was evidenced by his mumbling of incoherent lines and I actually felt bad for him. No, that’s not completely accurate; I was actually embarrassed for him. The man is an icon and no doubt has more money than God, so you have to wonder why in the hell he continues to subject himself to this kind of humiliation. Get in your fucking yacht and sail quietly into the sunset!
I’m particularly sensitive to this given my advancing years and the current state of my Father who is 5 years older than Mr. Clark. He’s at a point where he goes in and out of cognitive reasoning and one never knows until you actually try to speak with him. The man was articulate and enjoyed public speaking so to see him like this breaks my heart.
During the holidays I managed to meet with several of ‘our own’ and everyone cheered the New Year in with enthusiasm and a general sense of new beginnings. However, I was speaking with Poo who by the way has fallen off the wagon….AGAIN!! and found a noticeable slurring in his speech. I must point out here that there’s only been 10 hours out of the last 10 years that I’ve engaged in conversation with him without mass quantities of alcohol being involved. Slurring and spittle have always been part of his charm while sitting next to him at the bar. Having said this though, I felt his garbling and mispronounced words were far worse than the last time I spoke with him. Further his motor skills have diminished as well. At the ‘Curmudgeon Reunion’ he failed to negotiate a six inch riser/stage and tumbled over. Amazingly he managed not to spill a drop of his Coors Light, but some abilities are simply innate which I believe was the case in this example.
We’re all going to face this dilemma to a certain degree as we move into the ‘back nine’ of life’s rich pageant. There have been a number of postulations as to the best way to delay or even erase this by-product of age. One such theory involves doing crossword puzzles or other games like Sudoku that exercises our gray matter preventing the mental atrophy we fear. Another theory proffered involves sex or masturbation twelve times per day. Evidently the human orgasm releases a catecholamine neurotransmitter similar to Dopamine that lessens the deterioration and would be my preference. I suspect Just JACKWAGON would only have to up the number of sessions by one or two! I know the Bagwan and Dv’ant claim this level of sex, but given their collective slurring it’s apparent they’ve been exaggerating.
2011 might very well be a defining year for many of us and it would be a shame to miss it because of our inability to ‘get it up.’ “Better Living through Chemistry” will be this year’s mantra.