ON THE EIGTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS – zuki gets hosed

Good Morning Disillusioned Shoppers,

I’ve been in a quandary of sorts trying my best to capture the spirit this time of year is supposed to represent. It used to be easy. I know what you’re thinking; “zuki quit feeling sorry for yourself and have some eggnog”, I’m hip. I had an opportunity to offer a kid a ride this weekend after it was apparent his car broke down. I wanted to stop, I really did. But instead I merely slowed slightly and drove by. What’s worse, I think I splashed him with ice water in the process! Jeez. I don’t think it was fear, rather an overwhelming sense of indifference. Yesterday I had yet another opportunity to show “goodwill toward men,” but again exercised my option to ignore it. An older woman was struggling to keep her balance in the icy parking lot while carrying her groceries to the car. I could have helped her remain upright, but instead dodged her as I walked past. Not looking back I heard her fall yelling painful expletives that in no way represented the yuletide spirit. I truly hope she didn’t hurt herself!

I was conflicted about my sins of omission and have struggled mightily with my conscience. I woke up this morning and vowed not to ignore another opportunity should it present itself. It didn’t take long. I had a couple of packages that are probably too late to mail anyway, but felt obligated to honor the family Christmas gift exchange. As most of you have experienced the line at your local post office is always long and tedious. I’d just found a parking space after circling 20 minutes and was grateful it wasn’t 30. I secured my packages and made my way to the door and noticed a woman with one too many packages for her to handle. Remembering my vow of civility I asked if I could help. She accepted my offer and thanked me over and over for my act of kindness. I offered the position in line ahead of me, and we engaged in small talk while slowly moving to the counter. What happened next will no doubt leave me forever scarred.

I realized I’d forgotten several cards I was to send customers and asked this woman if she’d hold my place in line 10 minutes while I fetched the Christmas cards. She was more than happy to oblige, so I scrambled back to my apartment and retrieved my Hallmarks. The expected 10 minutes was closer to 20 so I parked illegally and ran back in figuring I’d be close to the front of the line. The woman had just walked to the counter so I marched to the front of the line and waited for the next postal clerk. This caused the entire line to erupt with disapproval and with raised voices demanded I retreat to the end.
Pointing at the woman, I explained that she had held my place in line. I got her attention and asked her to back up my story. Instead, she shrugged her shoulders like she didn’t know what I was talking about and turned away. The line became an ugly mob. Mostly women, they were completely insensitive to my situation and got the attention of the manager who insisted I move or she’d call the authorities. In a complete huff, I moved to the end of the line.

The woman who threw me under the bus finished her shipping chores and now had to walk directly behind me to exit the building. She wouldn’t make eye contact for obvious reasons, so as she approached I used the most sarcastic voice I could muster and said, “Thanks soooo much for backing me up you old bag.” She continued by still not looking at me and when she reached the door, she turned and faced me. “Fuck you” she blurted, and walked out the door.

Christmas is such a pleasant time of year….I can’t wait for next year!! Merry Christmas ASSHOLES!!!!

zuki

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