Good Morning Children of Cogitation,
I had the occasion to meander through a grove of trees and was given to wondering how all this got started, when I happened upon a trail leading west. It wasn’t trodden down to the point you could see dirt, but was definitely used to get somewhere by somebody, so I took a right to see where it led. I estimate walking a quarter-mile when the new path began to thin. It was no longer easy to follow. It was as if the number of people walking went from four or five to one. Slowing my pace to follow the bent and broken grasses the path turned south and paralleled a creek. I came to a small clearing and stopped. It was so peaceful and quiet with only birds and the sound of running water to frame this pastoral setting. However, my solitude was shattered before I could take a second breath.
As I stood taking it all in, I heard in the distance what seemed to be a familiar voice. I continued walking south toward the now magnified but seemingly agitated voice. Whoever the person was, they were much exorcised about something because expletives were shooting out of his mouth like a Pez dispenser! I definitely didn’t want this person knowing I was around. I wanted to eaves drop but didn’t want to risk getting my ass kicked either! So I slowly and quietly approached this person but still couldn’t recognize the man. Damn it though, I knew that voice!
I found a good hiding place in between three or four pine trees. If I kneeled down, I had a good view of this crazy person, although his back was still turned to me. He was flailing his arms up and down and was using a hefty tree branch to beat the living shit out of something. The poor creature taking the clubbing was a Rattle Snake and immediately turned on this lunatic. He had to jump away, but then out flanked it. The cursing quickly turned into maniacal laughter as he sensed his prey was done for. Now I could clearly see the man’s face. ShitI I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was my good friend Poo! All the while laughing he shrieks “You son of a bitch, you’ll never see tomorrow…. HA… HA HEEE YAH and again began to club the unfortunate young Rattlesnake. The snake now stunned but not dead, he picked it up by the tail and began to fling it against a nearby tree trunk obliterating its head; scattering blood and flesh all over the adjacent bushes. Dressed in only a loincloth, he raised both arms up and began what appeared to be some kind of moronic victory dance. As he came closer, you could see he’d applied ‘war paint’ and was head long into one of his little fantasies. Over the years we’ve all learned its best if you just let him finish! When he gets like this, one needs to stay out of his way so I hunkered down to see what was next. I didn’t have to wait long.
Picking up what was left of the carcass; Poo began gnawing on the snake, scales and all, chewing until he got to the fleshy part of it. It was difficult to watch, yet I couldn’t take my eyes off this unnatural initiation into Poo-Poo Land. He crammed mouthful after mouthful of raw snake into his pie hole until its blood spilled out of both sides of his mouth! Poo was definitely glazed over. The last time I saw him this way is when he shoved an elderly couple over so not to miss the first trivia question. He dropped to his knees and looked directly skyward holding entrails in each fist. He appeared to be mouthing words, but I couldn’t quite hear and crept closer. I nearly laughed out loud; he was reciting Poe’s “The Raven”. I walked the “Path Less Traveled” just to hear albeit it passionate, a rendition of Poe’s classic. Anti-climatic as it was, to be fair, I’ve known this man for almost twelve years now and even risked my life in an ill-fated road trip to Vegas, but this rather disturbing side of my good friend I could never have imagined.
I take my responsibility seriously to record the mostly imbecilic things I see or worse; are involved in. I’m positive you’ve all heard this from your parents at one time or another, that there are consequences to your actions. I didn’t see Poo for several weeks after this bizarre ritual and have not mentioned it to anyone till now. I discovered through one of our own that he’d been hospitalized for an allergic reaction to Poison Oak! Evidently it was quite serious. It seemed our warrior was using this highly toxic plant as ass wipe! The last I heard, he’s using a support apparatus to carry his butt on wheels.
Please join with me in remembering our good friend in your prayers. God Bless Him.