Good Morning Strapping Lads & Lassies,
I had an interesting day today in that both Tammy and the Bagwan told me to ‘just die.’ I expected this from Tammy who is an embittered transsexual; swains in-tow, but never from the ‘holy fucker.’ While rarely do I take these things seriously, it did cause me to think about death in a more substinantive way. The average lifespan of a human male is seventy-four (74) years leaving me with hardly more than a baker’s dozen. Five (5) years ago I underwent a litany of medical procedures and testing which led me on a six (6) month oddesy of fear and sobriety leaving me $3,000 poorer! I do not wish to go through that again so I decided to utilize an annual health fair sponsored by a local news station here in Denver offering medical testing at greatly reduced expense. So I had my blood work done wishing to have the results in hand prior to seeing a doctor and just got the results back. Given that I’m less active (hard to believe isn’t it) than 2005 the results were almost predictable.
The tabulation of my blood work in 2005 set off a string of testing that never would have ended had I not lost my job and health insurance. As predicted, the 2010 results netted the very same outcome. Not similar mind you, but exactly the same! I feel much better about facing these money hungry harbingers of death because I’ll be armed with the truth. I will have been through it all and know what I must do without the ‘all knowing’ dictates of those swearing the ‘Hippocratic oath.’ I’m certain most of the medical profession makes every effort to diagnose and treat their patients promoting good health, but in my case it seemed as if nobody knew anything for sure. The term ‘practice’ had much more significance than I can remember.
As before my liver enzymes were slightly above normal which means I’ll need to reduce my alcohol consumption. I’m again producing excessive amounts of iron which can cause any number of maladies also caused by alcohol. Triglycerides are elevated as well as my levels of glucose, both caused by alcohol. So in continuing with the theme of this posting, and feeling confident in my self-diagnosis, I’m going to prescribe greatly reduced amounts of alcohol! DAH! I’ll lose 10-15 lbs as a bi-product of this self imposed restriction which can’t hurt.
That’s all well and good and easy enough to prescribe, but the reality of self directed sanctions is wicked. ‘Curmudgeon Corner’ and those two or three of you reading this Pap smear no doubt understand addiction. Alcohol dependence in my opinion is far stronger than cigarettes as I’ve experienced withdrawal from both! For me anyway, more than anything else, I miss the company and conversation of other drunks. I start shaking at happy hour and progressively get crankier as I transition to evenings. It won’t be easy.
This time I’ll not go crazy and walk away dry, rather I intend to reduce the time spent sitting at a bar which of course will reduce the amount consumed proportionately. As you know I’ve said these things before and have returned to drunkenness. No guarantees, but I must make an effort. I’ll be looking in on you drunks from time to time and wish you all good health. However, should things go south, take solace in the words of our Bagwan; “Just die.”