NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG BUT – soy milk is soured

Good Morning Mavens of Habitué,

It has come to my attention from a reasonably reliable source that a few of you have gotten into trouble with spouting off. I got to tell you shooting from the hip is a dangerous thing in that one’s mouth breaks ground before the brain can analyze; often times bellowing out something ridiculous. I know there’s a few of you (and you know who you are) that honestly believe they’re incapable of administering a self-inflicted wound such as the above, but in reality I think we’ve all done it.

It’s been my experience that when these things happen it’s due to one or more conditions: 1. Alcohol/hallucinogens. 2. One has become so arrogant one actually believes the pus one is selling. 3. One has forgotten what to say and makes it up. And 4., “You just can’t fix stupid.”

Perhaps you’ve never been in a situation professionally or otherwise where one is caught up in a spirited debate in which the outcome determines success/failure, or simply make somebody look bad. The feeling of triumph can be better than sex! I’ve personally been on both sides of this ‘brain-fart’ and there’s little that compares to being so strong and forceful in your argument your opponent is steamrolled never having a chance! This usually stems from knowing the subject matter and being prepared.

I was fortunate to be close enough to the Bagwan and his life-long partner Just Jubilee to overhear what ultimately became a heated exchange regarding the would-be benefits of soy. JJ contends it benefited an entire generation of children nutritionally speaking, and seemed to support increasing the presence of soy in our diets. Baggy’s point was much shriller, not to mention homophobic. The ‘Wan’ has told me (with a straight face mind you) he is literally on a higher plain that enables him to see the ‘big picture’ as it were, making him better suited to be a holy man than most of us groveling around seeking purpose. Bagged One’s point was Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion, and homosexuality. He further contends doctors endorse even insist on the use of soy milk and must take the blame for the feminization of America. JJ tried to inject a counter point, but was ignored; Bags continuing that most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk! He pointed out homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” Bags insisted this is “poppy-cock” and homos are always deviant.

Please join me in a moment of silence for our good friend Bagwan who just must feel awful! He’s apologized over and over to the gay community for being insensitive, but continues to stress he was taken out of context and perhaps misspoke. Last weekend our holy fucker extended an olive branch and marched in Denver’s Gay Pride Parade. He was quite creative as he marched arm in arm as Dorothy; ‘Ruby Slippers’ and ankle socks, “and proud we are of him.”

I can only hope this serves as a lesson to the two or three of you reading this muliebrity the dangers of extemporaneous expression.

zuki

Posted in Uncategorized

NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG BUT – soy milk is soured

Good Morning Mavens of Habitué,

It has come to my attention from a reasonably reliable source that a few of you have gotten into trouble with spouting off. I got to tell you shooting from the hip is a dangerous thing in that one’s mouth breaks ground before the brain can analyze; often times bellowing out something ridiculous. I know there’s a few of you (and you know who you are) that honestly believe they’re incapable of administering a self-inflicted wound such as the above, but in reality I think we’ve all done it.

It’s been my experience that when these things happen it’s due to one or more conditions: 1. Alcohol/hallucinogens. 2. One has become so arrogant one actually believes the pus one is selling. 3. One has forgotten what to say and makes it up. And 4., “You just can’t fix stupid.”

Perhaps you’ve never been in a situation professionally or otherwise where one is caught up in a spirited debate in which the outcome determines success/failure, or simply make somebody look bad. The feeling of triumph can be better than sex! I’ve personally been on both sides of this ‘brain-fart’ and there’s little that compares to being so strong and forceful in your argument your opponent is steamrolled never having a chance! This usually stems from knowing the subject matter and being prepared.

I was fortunate to be close enough to the Bagwan and his life-long partner Just Jubilee to overhear what ultimately became a heated exchange regarding the would-be benefits of soy. JJ contends it benefited an entire generation of children nutritionally speaking, and seemed to support increasing the presence of soy in our diets. Baggy’s point was much shriller, not to mention homophobic. The ‘Wan’ has told me (with a straight face mind you) he is literally on a higher plain that enables him to see the ‘big picture’ as it were, making him better suited to be a holy man than most of us groveling around seeking purpose. Bagged One’s point was Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion, and homosexuality. He further contends doctors endorse even insist on the use of soy milk and must take the blame for the feminization of America. JJ tried to inject a counter point, but was ignored; Bags continuing that most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk! He pointed out homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” Bags insisted this is “poppy-cock” and homos are always deviant.

Please join me in a moment of silence for our good friend Bagwan who just must feel awful! He’s apologized over and over to the gay community for being insensitive, but continues to stress he was taken out of context and perhaps misspoke. Last weekend our holy fucker extended an olive branch and marched in Denver’s Gay Pride Parade. He was quite creative as he marched arm in arm as Dorothy; ‘Ruby Slippers’ and ankle socks, “and proud we are of him.”

I can only hope this serves as a lesson to the two or three of you reading this muliebrity the dangers of extemporaneous expression.

zuki

Posted in Uncategorized